We’ve taken a wee holiday and are focusing our efforts on limbering up for MLB 2010. But we’ll be back this week with some fresh ear candy for you. Sure, we’ll tackle March Madness (Carol is atop the leader board in the bracket bet), but it’s baseball that has psyched. We’ll also cheer the NHL for banning blindside hits to the head. We’re going to do a Tiger Woods-free run through the Masters, and try hard to come up with a reason to watch the NBA. We might need another vacation after that exercise in futility. And what would a sports podcast be without us ripping the NFL on its new overtime rule. Way to butcher it!
So tune in next Thursday - we’ll be back tanner and fresher than ever.
This weekend and beyond is dedicated to the NCAA Tourney. But before we lose track of our families and friends in our basketball immersion, there all this:
Episode 209
Coin Tosses, Flex Divisions and March Madness with The Girls!
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the secret room where Roger Goodell had his private coin toss to determine who would host the opening game at the new Giants Stadium. The Cowboys won! Kidding. The Jets won! Gotcha again! The Giants ‘won’ the coin toss, but the Jets got the Monday night game the very next day. In all that has happened in the world of sport over the last few months, the visual of Roger Goodell holding a private coin toss without representation from the two teams affected by said toss takes the cake. Mainly because it never happened. What coin toss? Maybe that’s how Brett Favre should determine whether or not he retires. Yea. Coin toss. We’d even buck-up for a pay-per-view on that one.
Our brackets are done, Robin’s gonna lose win like she did last year, and our bet will be posted by the end of the weekend. We share the same winner with Obama. Meanwhile, the NCAA is trying to see if it can get one of Tiger’s former mistresses to appear at Augusta so they can ‘eliminate the competition’. No one watches golf on Thursdays - ‘cept this week! That Tiger - he sure is focused. He put his whole family back together just in time for the Masters. And he’s going to destroy the ratings for the NCAA. Which means they’ll make less cash, so now we’re pretty much guaranteed a 96 team tournament. Thanks Tiger; you’re a genius - you’ve ruined the NCAA tournament for everyone.
David Beckham, not so genius. He tore his Achilles tendon. Probably trying to get into his skinny jeans. And now he’s going to miss the World Cup. Which is a drag because we were hoping to see Mrs. Beckham in one of those stab-proof vests. Maybe if he trains and rehabs really hard….
You know those flex NFL games that happen late in the season? Well, MLB is going one million steps further with…FLEX DIVISIONS! Maybe. See, some owners and some managers are now part of a “committee” (chance to go to resorts, drink wine, smoke cigars…you know the drill) deciding how to improve the game of baseball on the field. Not off of it - where all the drug taking happens. That’s too challenging. They’re going to focus on stuff like allowing teams to switch divisions every year so they can either save money, make money, or not have to play as hard. Or as they put it, “change divisions based on their interest in competing”.
Interest in competing? Call us crazy, but shouldn’t teams be interested in competing all the time? Ok, we’ll play along - but can you at least put Milton Bradley on the team that is ‘not interested in competing’ so we can just call his performance on the field what it is?
Boy, just when you think you have it mastered you find there’s more to learn. We think Bud Selig is just trying to distract us from the fact that Adderall is the new drug of choice for ball players. Well, except for the manager of the Texas Rangers, Ron Washington. He’s into cocaine…and leg warmers…and pop rocks…and Wham!
The NHL sits Alex Ovechkin and his team responds in a large way. Now the Capitals are atop the league with 103 points. And then there’s the Oilers with 49. Don’t Canadian teams get 50 points just for being Canadian? Has Don Cherry weighed in on this? Call us back-peddlers, but we couldn’t keep up that whole ‘the NBA is fun to watch’ thing. Actually we couldn’t even try. It’s unwatchable, and in this week’s sports podcast we tell David Stern how to fix it. It has nothing to do with Gilbert Arenas’ 400 guns or Robert Whaley’s hiding place for his pot. While we’re in an advice-giving mood we close with an IT HAS TO BE SAID that the world needs to listen to. So grab your lab partner, your meds and your bracket…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!
It’s not that easy to get pregnant. A woman has between 12 and 48 hours each month to conceive. That’s no more than 48 days out of every 365 days per year. Not great odds.
So what are the odds that Antonio Cromartie was able to attract 11 ovulating women in a six year span? We aren’t intellectually capable can’t calculate them. But his success rate sure is stellar.
are you sure he looks like me??? Antonio Cromartie takes an important call…thanks to ESPN for the pic.
Or the women are genius.
You’ve heard it before - when the economy is tanking invention soars. New business models are tested, and new entrepreneurs are born. So are babies, apparently. If it weren’t morally abhorrent, zeroing in on an athlete or 3 and having their children seems to be a very effective way of earning around 10 grand a month given the average child support payments of professional athletes.
If cash flow is king for a new business, then knowing one has receipts of 10 grand a month by year three is pretty good, especially given the failure rate of start-ups. And to know that cash flow rate will continue for 18 years is the very definition of a sustainable business model.
Whether or not Antonio Cromartie has been the victim of an organized baby momma ring, he has gotten himself into quite a mess at a very young age. He would benefit from a refresher course in sex ed and a whole semesters worth of classes on the craftiness of the women who target pro athletes for fame, fortune or simply an additional branch on their family tree.
Yes, we know this pic is not from the date in question, or even this year - just giving y’all an idea.
‘Ever Bigger’ Big Ben has now admitted ‘contact’ with the young lady in question, but he never got to home plate. Oh, is that how you address evidence that she hit her head (”she slipped in the bathroom”)? BR’s lawyers insists that he will “finish this case in a way that neither his liberty nor his future is damaged”. Wow, what about his GOOD NAME? At least college ball is on and the regional championships are taking place. The perfect distraction.
Busted!, Burdens! and Euphemisms Galore! with The Girls
Today The Girls are coming to you live from…the last season of great NCAA basketball before the tourney goes all Ben Roethlisberger on us and puffs out to ginormous proportions. We’re hoping for dominance from Wofford (wherever that is) and finally some great basketball to remind us of what the NBA used to be - fast, furious, full of steals and blocks and all around crazazy defense. Those were the days…
While the Winter Olympics are receding from memory, we question the location of the 2014 winter games. Putin is some genius. This is almost as good as selling snow to the eskimos! We’re packing already - nothing like a tropical getaway in February.
It’s all fun and games until we read the list of things they have to build for the games, prompting us to question the sanity of the IOC in determining a location. Can’t we reuse some already built facilities instead of constructing winter in a place that rarely if ever sees it? Wonder what Georgia has to say about this.
While the NFL free agency period was not as frenetic as years past mostly due to the uncapped year and the likely lockout, Ben Roethisberger doesn’t disappoint. Dude, stop thinking with your love log and start thinking with your concussed brain. Then there’s the man with the little burdens. Antonio Cromartie’s only burden is not being able to use condoms effectively - if at all. While 7 children have been attributed to his supreme lovin’ skills, there are still 5 pending paternity suits to deal with…that makes a dozen little Cromarties running around.
While we don’t want to make light of Ben Roethlisberger’s possible assault charges from two women (nor his propensity for drinking a keg or two a day based on the pictures that are floating around…can you say PUFFY?), but bringing children into this world a la Antonio is way more disturbing. The Jets should have said, “We’ll give you your $500,000 but you got to get neutered.” After free agency, the next thing we have to look forward to is the union of Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens. Can we please run the marketing for the Bengals if TO signs? Please? We’ll pay you.
So NASCAR says have at it and Carl Edwards says, “Who am I to disobey?” We have to admit, with two Jimmie Johnson victories, the only reason we’re talking about NASCAR is because of Carl Edwards. Job well done lads. Now on to Bristol which is always an entertaining ride. Hopefully they’ll have their caution lights working.
Ahhh, the smell of beer, chew, mens’ bodies sweating all over each other…Spring Training is in full bloom. And nobody gets a better view than A-Rod who must think that stretching is more beneficial if you are closer to the one you love.
Oops, that was the wrong picture, but we couldn’t find the haunch-to-haunch with Jeter. A Rod probably had his lawyers ‘destroy the evidence’ of his love.
As the Twins lick their wounds over the potential season-ending injury of Joe Nathan, Milton Bradley shows why he ought to be next. Blaming Chicago for your poor play….specifically what, Milton? The lake effect, the height of the Sears Tower? Was your Trump condo not done on time? We can’t believe Seattle fell for you. Here’s hoping the humidity changes your nasty attitude.
After marveling at the inability of the NHL to enact a militant and easily enforceable rule regarding hits to the head, we come through on our promise last week and give you a reason to watch the NBA. Okay, so it’s only ONE guy in the NBA. It’s a start. Then we promptly blow our good karma by ripping into LeBron.
Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we say Lindsay who? So grab your ego, your head and your zipper wookie…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!
Lost Leaders, Quirky Canada and Sociopathic Rule Changes with The Girls!
Today The Girls are coming to you live from The Leadership Institute, where the halls are quiet…Bud Selig, David Stern, Gary Bettman and Roger Goodell must not have paid their tuition on time. We can understand how it might be hard to run, say, a multi-national pharmaceutical company or an under-funded inner-city high school, but a sporting league? The only thing hard about that is building consensus, being decisive and using common sense. Oh, now we get it…
One league is on pace to lose 400 million dollars this year, another will be dodging federal investigators until the end of days, one thinks it’s Starbucks, and the other prefers rules that are so confusing and circular that, when changed, they end up right back where they started. Thank Lombardi we have the combine.
Okay, it’s a stretch, but it’s a start. And looking for a fresh start at the combine was one super-focused Myron Rolle. He of Oxford fame. And we don’t mean Mississippi. The safety out of Florida State has really created quite a concern among the scouts. Why, how ever will he focus? He doesn’t know WHAT he wants to be…scholar, professional football player, neurosurgeon, keeper of the free world! We say take him and then set him free on the rule book to make it all make sense.
Unlike the proposed overtime rule…to be used only in the playoffs. This is reason #148 why we firmly believe contracts and rules are created after substantial drinking. We’ve even added a new liquor to the list of those that catering must have on hand for these type of events. You’ll have to listen in to this week’s sports podcast to find out what it is.
Hell hath no fury like a women scorned or John Daly pissed. As in mad. Need proof? Check the cell phone bill of the journalist who made really public the list of Daly’s PGA infractions. In our opinion he is now more mysterious, more endearing and even higher up on our list of guys we want to have a beer with. But we recognize that’s just us.
The Olympics closed in grand fashion, and our coverage of it is equally as grand. From William Shatner to the mime to the…oh, please…just scrap the Opening and closing ceremonies and give us a simple athlete parade. Seriously, Greece is bankrupt. Isn’t that a sign? Why not cut costs and give them the leftover cash? We plead with Russia and England to break the mold, lose the producer and see how much you can pull off for 1 million euros and some arts and crafts. But be sure you take care of those pesky curses!
We wrap up with a trip to Spring Training where we blow $400,000, visit our Rookie Look before he gets sent to the minors…for further training…, and barely graze the NBA. It deserves nothing more at this juncture.
But what does deserve our attention is this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID: MENSA must be squeaky clean. So grab your IQ, your 40-yard dash and your dancing partner…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!
