Happy Holidays! We at Fantoo are hunkering down for egg nog and hot toddies, surfacing only for some kicking football this weekend. We are so relieved that the issue between Brad Childress and Brett Favre has been resolved. We were seriously concerned that Favre might walk away in a huff, yelling ‘IF WE CAN’T PLAY BY MY RULES, I QUIT!!!!!’. Ah youth. Oh wait…

Hey, if we were to give them a ‘TomKat’-style moniker, it would be ‘Favreless’, or better, ‘FavreChild’. Just sayin’.

Episode 197

Embedded Teeth, Plucked Chickens and Ginormous Beavers with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from Santa’s workshop where Santa is reading a letter written by Tiger Woods. Over and over. And over. Santa’s thinking: Tiger, you got enough shiny things over the last several years…I’ve got to play catch up with Dennis Rodman, Bill Clinton and Elliot Spitzer, who is clearly fuming that he got shafted while his ‘Girl Friday’ got hired. Besides, you just got a porno named after you. Every man’s dream, buddy. Don’t be a glutton. So Tiger set sail to where ever on his little floatie, Privacy. Tiger, The Girls would like to ask for some privacy as well. No more of you, please.

We’d cheer for the AP Athlete of the Year, but this is the year that we ignore all “…of the Year!” because they mean nothing. Zip. Nada. Except ‘The Fannies’, our very own awards show and extravaganza that is a must attend for all who adore their sports with a splash of truth. It’s coming. Trust us.

But first, we bring you up-to-speed on the chick who ran over the Red Sox fan, give Robin a chance to unload on her beloved Flyers (who can’t seem to get to bed early unless it’s someone else’s bed), and digress with a plucked chicken because, well, we couldn’t stop laughing about it. And neither will you.

keep the volume low and tell the kids to leave the room

But, alas, there are actual sports going on. Sadly, we can’t tell you much about them because we have to talk about assorted broken legs, embedded teeth, concussed heads, dislocated knees, patellas and other key joints and bones and such that ought not be dislocated. Oh, and there’s the whole NBA is completely fixed thing, too. It’s amazing we even know the score of the Bulls VS Kings game! In fairness to you, we kind of only know the score because we’re pretty sure (as in 100%) that the game was rigged by the refs, the NBA, and probably Congress as well.

But enough of that! Favre is upset. And he’s gonna stamp his feet about it till everyone throws in the towel, and throws him a box of tissues for his post-season presser. It would be a lot easier on the fans if the coach of the Vikings was the coach and the quarterback was the quarterback. Nobody has ever suggested Favre is a quitter, but no one has suggested he is a genius either. So he should quit trying to run the team. Just throw the ball. Preferably to a receiver. Wearing the same color shirt as Favre. You laugh cuz we’re that specific? Seen Favre in December lately? He needs the reminder.

The Grouper is in the house! Word is Mangini is planning on getting his wife pregnant so they can name that child Jack The Grouper Mangini. That’s one way to try and save his job. Let’s not try and think of another way because it would be best for the Browns that he move on. To another sport. Perhaps in another country. Hey, we hear a new Earth has been discovered. Maybe he can go there.

Finally, before we tell you about the really eager beaver in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we urge you to continue following stories like the one on Dave Pear, and take some time to savor that which is Ricky Williams. He takes yoga to a new level on the gridiron and it’s working for this old soul. So, grab Blitz, keep your pants on, and have the happiest of holidays…but first come talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 24th, 2009 at 8:55 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.