I’ll take that one and that one. Is the urinal cool?”

Often, after wrapping the recording of our podcast, we bang our heads against the wall when we see what’s happened whilst we were entombed in the elaborate recording studio. Today is no different. Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino is furious. Furious that his banging of a woman (not his wife) in a closed restaurant (how classy) has the media all a tizz, lusting after each and every sordid detail (how, um, totally expected).

“Enough’s enough, everybody is tired of it,” Pitino said. “We need to get on with the important things in life like the economy and really some crucial things in life like basketball.” Um…and where does honesty and fidelity fall in your list of crucial things? At least he didn’t say he did it for the kids. Cuz that would have been quite inappropriate. Guys, we’re here to tell you for the 100th time, keep away from the shiny baubles. They have a tendency to ruin your life. Any chick who would be willing to give it up in restaurant bathroom (pauses to hurl) to a married man is probably going to go all ‘Fatal Attraction’ on you. For sure.

The rest of the sporting world’s scoop is contained right here:

Episode 180

Vick Debates, Shaq Bores and Plaxico Emotes with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from Debates Without Outcomes…like Doctors Without Borders but waaaayyyyy different. Did the Eagles show that they care only about winning the Super Bowl (the attitude every Philadelphia fan has begged for them to honor) and not about the lives of dogs when they signed Michael Vick? Did Brad Childress show that he only wants to dismantle the Vikings and ensure he can retire early by lusting after, begging for and finally securing Brett’s heart? Does anyone on the Eagles even have a dog? And what about the poor goat who was the real victim of Brett Favre’s narcissism? Doesn’t anyone care about him? (Her?)

And, honestly, if Brad isn’t going to have a child and name him after Brett then why is Favre even coming back? A winning season can’t trump having a human named after you, can it? Maybe Brett is shooting for OctoMom and wants to do the ‘George Foreman’, creating and then naming dozens of his own offspring after himself.

Our brains are scrambled eggs with all this chatter. But now that the Fantoo Girls are back together as one, we need to set the record straight. It’s simple, really. What Vick did was horrible, but he served his time, he lost his career momentum and cash, and he actually came to realize that what he did was horrific. Brett Favre emotionally abused the fans and his peers. He held them hostage while he luxuriated in the glow of attention, all the while knowing he was going to return after training camp. (Training camp is for those who haven’t yet figured out how to get out of going…) He made more cash, got some swanky treatment and doesn’t feel bad about anything. At all. And forever. The man is without fault, according to himself.

Fans must keep in mind that the players already have come to understand the NFL is a business, and that goes both ways. Brett can say he had the right to string everyone along until the last moment and then sign, drastically changing the careers of those who are now behind him on the depth chart. Business, baby, business. Michael Vick can say that he served his time and the NFL reinstated him, so he has the right to return to the NFL and go about his life, and the Eagles have the right to sign an eligible player. That’s business! Both the players are selfish and that trait manifested itself in two very different ways. We’re sure Tavaris Jackson feels bad for the dogs that were part of Bad Newz Kennels, but you can bet right now he feels his own pain more, because his dream of being an NFL quarterback may have hit the wall thanks to a Wrangler-wearing drama queen who doesn’t understand fan loyalty and doesn’t know when to hang up the jock strap. Did that set the record straight? Likely not, as the debates are sure to rage on right up until the Super Bowl. We know one thing for sure: Tom Brady is super-psyched about the distractions. It’s like he never came back.

After Robin freaks out, thinking the entire world of sport waited until she went on holiday to heat up, we delve into Michael Beasley (a good pot story never gets by us) Shaq and his utterly boring show (blech), and Derrek Lee’s brilliant idea for charity. We take some liberties with the Rookie Look this week as Katie Reyes hits the game winner and gets the final out…in the Little League World Series. Loyal listeners know that we would be wagering bets on the amount of tush a pro would get after a performance like that, and try as we might we could not alter our M.O. Sorry Katie!

We slam Michael Crabtree, because there is no reason not to, and then get to the good stuff: the video screen at that billion-dollar mecca also known as Cowboys Stadium. Land of the $60 pizza and $5 beer. Is that a football stadium where the action happens on the field or a Britney Spears concert where all you want to do is see if you can catch her screwing up the lip synching? We’re all for stadium luxuries, but that screen has no place in a stadium that is too big for the game. Get off the cash bandwagon, fools. We won’t let you turn football into WWE.

On the diamond it all comes down to the Mets implosion. The final nail in the coffin, the loss of Johan Santana. The last rose thrown into the grave, the unassisted triple play by Eric Bruntlett. Of the Phillies. The Mets’ nemesis. The book detailing their season from hell will be available by Christmas. In 3D, for sure. Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we craft our own solution to America’s health care crisis. So grab your sneaks, ditch the high fructose corn syrup, and focus on the squeeze…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 27th, 2009 at 10:55 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.