Ok, so we are suckers for football. And football is almost back! And we cannot wait to talk about it. Now, if the players would just stay healthy. Why are they constantly breaking down? Hmmmm….

Yeah football’s a violent sport, but it seems like players just disintegrate. We love it anyway. Roll on, September!

Episode 177


Breached Pacts, Pointless Lists and Looney Leinart with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from…The Pact that we at the Fantoo Girls have with all of you! Wha? You don’t remember agreeing to said Pact? Don’t recall when it was formed? Not sure what’s in it? Then consider yourselves on double-secret probation. Now we know exactly how Andy Reid feels. We go through all the trouble of crafting The Pact and then it’s ignored. (flicks light on and off…off and on…) Even when you know it’s for your own good! All we have to say is the Philadelphia sports page just got real interesting. You know there is zero shot that the little dust up won’t play out in the “media”. (Good thing podcasts are exempt from being the “media”. Seems only bloggers get lumped in with that crowd.)

Now that the Buick Open is no longer the Buick Open we’ve come up with a few suggestions of our own. Somehow Gas Mask Open didn’t make the final cut, but it does seem apropos, no? We’re thinking Radio Shack might want to continue to push it’s “rebranding” and call it the Shack Open. Or how about Wack-A-Shack? Maybe we should just let Lance Armstrong and Team Shack keep all the glory, and defend that lawsuit you just know the Real Shaq is dreaming up. Especially if Lance refuses to ride with him. Which we STRONGLY urge him to do.

Is Allen Iverson bound for Greece? Do we get Greek basketball on Comcast? Olympiakos Piraeus has quietly been building a team that could eventually become quite a ratings-grabber worldwide. We may not see it here, hence David Stern seemingly not nervous about the siphoning of his players, but lots of people in Europe have access to the full slate of European basketball games. Wonder if the whole “conquer the world” agenda has taken a backseat to “stop the hemorrhaging”? Sure would be strange to see AI in Greece chowing down on some fried and stuffed grape leaves while waxing poetically on the European’s fondness for less practice and more siestas.

Dude, if you go we are so coming to see you play. And we’re bringing our Fathead. The Girls congratulate Jeremy Roenick on his retirement. He played hard and retired like a gentleman. (Remind you of a certain NFL player? Nah, didn’t think so.) We’ll miss you on the ice, but we’re certain you will be ironing that suit for pre and post-game analysis. Better yet, head straight to Entertainment Tonight. You’d kill it.

NFL training camps are in full swing and the injuries are already mounting. Torn ACL’s (shhhh…don’t tell anyone), ruptured Achilles tendons, and bumps and bruises from all those punches thrown. From the looks of it, the Oakland Raiders are the smartest of the bunch so far, keeping their guys off the field and in the classroom. We have only one suggestion: while JaMarcus Russell is learning the game of football could you please put him on a treadmill? Dude needs to lay off the bags of Lays, mini-Snickers and sides of beef. At the very least he ought to go ‘grass-fed’.

Or maybe just eat grass himself. (Note: We didn’t say smoke it, we said eat it.) Smoking grass seems to have caught up with the usually extraordinarily well-behaved Eagles this year. Juqua Parker was busted for having a small amount of pot on his person during a traffic stop. Great. Another reason for Andy Reid to be angry. It’s not smart to fool Mother Nature, and it’s not smart to mess with redheads. But given that the Eagles have bigger issues like saluting Jim Johnson, healing Shawn Andrew’s ailing back, making sure Asante Samuel can survive a conditioning test (he’ll work his way up to actually playing the game), and rebuilding the defense, Juqua will probably get lost in the shuffle. Good news for him, but the above is bad news for Eagles fans. Not as bad as the news that Plaxico Burress got from the Grand Jury. Plax will serve jail time, and by the time he gets out he will not likely have it in him to return to the field.

Some mistakes are dumb, some are really dumb, and some land you in the joint. We hear he’s trying to get some plastic surgery donated so he can look more like Al Sharpton than a handsome ex-NFL player. Good luck with that. Matt Leinart continues to live in a beer-funnel induced haze as Ken Wisenhunt tutors his replacement, Brian St. Pierre. We find it amazing that he doesn’t think he has anything to worry about. Perhaps that fact sums it all up. Quarterbacks need to have sound judgment and clearly he does not…on so many levels.

Over on the diamond, Hank Aaron speaks what we all have been saying for months now: Release the list of names of those who tested positive for substances THAT WEREN’T BANNED AT THE TIME so we can all move on. The way this has played out it’s like getting slightly stuck by a needle a thousand times until the doctor finally shoves it in for the delivery of the meds. Keeping the list ‘confidential’ is taxing, annoying and has no purpose. When, when, when will they learn?

Oh yeah, and get this guy reinstated to Baseball…

Are those snakeskin briefs? What’s not to love?

On a brighter note, Tim Lincecum is chipping away at a real record: 300 strikeouts in one season. The Girls are lighting the candles now. We would love to see this happen, but we sure won’t be helping with any laser beams. We’re hoping he gets it the old-fashioned way and then cuts his hair. Or at least takes those Power Ranger posters off his locker. We wrap baseball with a little chat about Prince Fielder. Dude can hit the deck when necessary, but getting up is a multi-stage process. Is plunking a ballplayer necessary or can they send a message another way? Like putting plastic wrap on the urinals? That’s more our speed. At any rate, Prince hasn’t moved that fast since it was 1999. Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we get the proof that Disney sends secret messages to us. So grab your decoder ring, a Tony Luke’s pork italiano, and some spiked lemonade to wash it all down…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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