And Roy Halladay goes to????? The Jays! They were just playin’. It’s like putting your house on the market just to see what you can get for it. Sure, if someone offers you 3 times the price (or as Jays’ GM, J.P. Ricciardi said they were “wowed” by another club’s deal), you might consider selling, but then again, you might not. We still have ’till August 31 for trades to happen that will effect post-season, but the Girls don’t see Halladay calling Atlas Van Lines any time soon.

Episode 176

Perfection, Convictions, Retirements and the T.O. Show with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from our happy place, a rare thing with the world of sport in recent days. We’re perched on the brim of Mark Buehrle’s hat watching batter after batter get nervous like a girl at her first dance as Mr. Perfect winds up and shuts ‘em down. He couldn’t have done it without DeWayne Wise who snatched perfection from the jaws of just another great outing with a killer over-the-wall grab. Yes, it’s a team sport and a Mark needed his little buddy, DeWayne. (Somebody dial Alberto Contador into this concept, please.)

From happy joy we get into the ‘business’ of sport. Did Roger Goodell kick Vick while he was down with his Tony Dungy-mentored reintroduction program? Will anyone sign him? And if the answer is yes, have they taken the time to look back at his last three years behind center? Sure, he’s a Pro Bowl (AKA popular) QB, but in his six years in the league he’s thrown 71 TDs and 52 INTs in 74 games. You can do the math. Not fabulous. Factor in some serious downtime and you’ve got yourself a real project.

Is Belichick the man for the task? Only if Goodell says so. Perhaps that whole Spygate thing gave Roger a card to use when he so desires. Along the lines of “Bill, I will grant you this favor and look the other way as you film the Jets and your nemesis, Eric Mangini. But, there will come a day, when I ask for that favor in return. And when that day comes, I expect the favor to be repaid…” (cue the Godfather music). A bad-guy-gone-good story is perfect for the NFL right about now.

In other NFL legal news, Manhattan’s DA, Robert Morganthau says he wants Plaxico Burress in jail. But Plax’s attorney, Benjamin Brafman, is wondering if the whole unfortunate incident can be forgotten. That would be like saying Bernie Madoff should get a reduced sentence because he was good for the economy, until the economy tanked. Not his fault, right? Plax, start making yourself look a little less attractive cuz you’re about to go to the house…and we don’t mean the end zone. Fire up those iPods, kiddies! Ocho Conco is dropping a pass, um, CD and it features the single ‘Child Please’ with Lil Wayne. How does this man focus? Does he focus? A CD, a very active Twitter account, and his day job which could use a little attention if he plans on ever getting near another yellow jacket. Focus, man! We need TDs so we can see you fined some more.

Breaking news…kinda…if it’s for real…who are we kidding. Brett Favre says he’s officially retired and won’t join the Vikings. But then he tells Peter King that if a team calls him on November 1 he just might take the bait. As hard as this is for you to believe, The Girls are speechless. That is until we talk about the T.O. Show.

Week 2 was a masterpiece. Lady Di and his maidens, Mo and Kit, have us rolling. And believe it or not we’re not laughing at them. T.O. in footie PJs laying on a toddler bed at a B&B in Buffalo? We’d be psyched if he’d quit football and do this full-time. He’s genius on camera. And the ladies are growing on us. Anyone who can call T.O. a bog ‘ole red tampon immediately receives honorary Fantoo Girls status. Just like that. Shaq has officially worn out his welcome as king of the goofy, man of the badge, Kobe tormentor, and basketball player. He’s jumped the mascot. Did he seriously think President Obama would just drop everything and sit down with the big doof and talk game? And, by the way, this is not his first rodeo. Does he not remember that you need to be INVITED?

“Oh hello, Mr. Shaq, why you are qiote a bit taller than you seem on TV.”

Shaq, you may think you are larger than life, that you are a man of many talents, that law and politics will be your court some day, but you are a wee bit NUTTY! Oh, and totally delusional. Please do not give this man a badge. The Emmy goes to T.O., not you. And we haven’t even seen your show.

As Carol dons full black mourning garb (with the requisite sponsor logos splashed on every inch), we mourn the end of the Tour de France, salute the Brits for an amazing showing, begrudgingly congratulate Alberto Contador and marvel at Lance Armstrong’s incredible endurance. No wonder the chicks love him. (We hear through well-placed spies that the chicks love Phil Liggett…a tear slides slowly down Carol’s cheek. She thought she was unique in her love of his fabulousness. Now she’ll have to join the club.) But we’re psyched for next year, as we will be one of the fans lining the countryside of France - or partying in some bistro - as the men of the Tour whiz by. And next year’s Tour will be even more epic than 2009. With all that is going on in what is supposed to be the lazy season of sports, the diamond got the shaft on this week’s sports podcast.

We give you the scoop on the Mets, proving yet again that the dysfunction is in the front office and the guys breaking a sweat are doing the best they can. Four in a row isn’t bad. We also throw props to a grand slam maestro and a switch-homer-hitting guy who clearly loves the caffeine. Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give you the inside scoop on Sarah Palin’s post-Governor plans. So grab your sunscreen, a Fan’s Guide to Good Behavior manual, and your best footie PJs…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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