Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in ‘Fatal Attraction’ before things get out of hand.

Episode 173

Femme Fatale, Missing Pitcher and Le Tour de France with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the new board game Clue-LESS, featuring Steve McNair and his ‘girlfriend’ Sahel Kazemi.

Callous, you say? Guilty, says we, but not before we chastise the sporting world for branding McNair a saint while his wife and children pick up the shattered pieces of their life. Perhaps the most alarming dialogue surrounding this tragedy is the use of the word ‘girlfriend’ to describe a woman who was a mistress. Let’s not sugar coat adultery, which is wrong and never leads to happily-ever-after. Forgive us if we choose not to celebrate a man who so selfishly threw away his own life and that of his family because he couldn’t resist the temptation of a shiny bauble.

Moving on to a man who is devoted to his wife and mother, both of whom are battling breast cancer. Phil Mickelson has put his career aside for his family during this most trying time. Now that’s something we can applaud. Wishes for a swift and full recovery from The Girls to the Mickelson family.

Also in this week’s sports podcast we dish on Serena’s booty (bum, tush, trunk) which Jason Whitlock suggests is keeping her from being a real winner. Wha? Wimbledon Singles and Doubles Champ - again and again - and she’s not a winner? Jason, we love you man, but you missed the target on this one. Perhaps it’s just that you covet her booty? You wish your booty was as productive as her booty? You wish your bank account had all her booty? Or is that looty?

Whatever, we can smell jealousy a mile away.

The intrusion of Twitter on all things sacred in sports has begun. Ocho Cinco wants to tweet during the game, and you can bet he’s not going to be extolling the virtues of Carson Palmer. Here’s a little sampling:

We’re beginning to think that tweeting would be worse for Ocho Cinco than for the organization. Some thoughts are just better left kept inside. What should the punishment be for in-game-tweeting? Suspend his account? Steal his blackberry? Hack it and send out pro-Bengals tweets? Force him to write ‘I AM Chad Johnson’ 500 times on the blackboard? Yet another reason to wait impatiently for football to begin.

Here’s your Superstars update: The show still blows. And neither TO nor Lisa Leslie could hit their stride on the basketball court. We can’t imagine any athletes signing up for Season 2. To which we say, YAY! Vive Le Tour! The crashes are plentiful, Phil Liggett has already said the word diarrhea, and Team Astana won the first team time trial since 2005. Much to the chagrin of the Tour officials, Lance sits dangerously in second place.

Seriously, how painful would it be for them to crown him the winner after all the bad blood between them? It’s going to take a lot of Bordeaux to wash that one down. If you want to see how Twitter can actually be exciting just follow Lance. He’s got the magic thumbs. And unlike Ocho, he can wait until he’s off the clock to tweet. Perhaps that’s why he’s been late every morning. We stay in France for this week’s Fan-Tutor which explains (or attempts to anyway) the point systems in the Tour. It isn’t all about the time, kids. Not if you’re into polka dots or the color green.

And, yes, while all that is going on in the world of sports it is still the MONTH ON THE MOUND! Manny’s back and more dislikable than ever. Which we assume means that he’ll have even more fans wearing his Mannywood shirts. First he cheats, then he blows off buying dinner for his minor league teammates, and then he tosses his batting glove and gets himself tossed.

In addition to Bud Selig, baseball needs a Den Mother who carries a big stick to keep these boys in line. As a matter of fact, each league should appoint one 75 year-old catholic mom of ten as Den Mother/Taskmaster. They’d get their acts together by the end of Day One.

Um, has anyone seen Bartolo Colon? Kind of can’t miss the guy. Ginormous stomach? Bum knee? Apparently athletic enough to pitch for the Cubs? If you run across him please put on a sticker that says, “Charlotte or Bust” and get him to his rehab assignment. And if his disappearance has anything to do with a ‘girlfriend’ we will throw up our hands in defeat. (It’s our aim to save the male population from themselves.)

One guy who probably wishes he could disappear is Ryan Dempster. That way his teammates couldn’t mercilessly taunt him for breaking his big toe while…wait for it…walking out of the dugout. How do you do that? And with cleats on!? That’s fragile. After we rip around the diamond we wrap with this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID where we find out just how 14,200 people could all simultaneously suck at their job. So grab your backpack, a chastity belt and ticket to Costa Rica…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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