Just in time for your holiday weekend travels, The Girls BBQ up another round of sporting dish. The only thing missing is the corn-on-the-cob, but you can’t expect us to do everything. We’re too busy trying to weasel our way out of party invites so we can watch the Tour de France, Wimbledon, AT&T National, the Mets VS the Phillies, and some restarts at Daytona. (Apologies for thinking it was a road race this upcoming weekend - wishful thinking on our part.) So heat up the grill, crack open a cold one and get the party started with The Girls!

Episode 172

Broken Hearts, Broken Promises and New Restarts with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from that part of the heart that few Americans knew they had…until it was broken by Brazil. The Confederations Cup was a real bright spot for American footie, even with the runner-up finish. Of course, the entire country of Spain detests us, but that’s nothing new since the invasion of Iraq.

The outcome in South Africa suggests that one year from now our country will be all a tizz. Why? Because we excel at weaving tournaments into our life as long as the bars are open and we can lie our way out of work. We’re surprised the Olympics haven’t spawned drinking games…yet. But we’re cool with it as long as they kill (or burn, blow up, drop in the ocean, vaporize) the vuvuzela. A constant sound of swarming locusts may provide feelings of comfort to some, but it is so outrageously annoying to most that the mute button will be depressed come World Cup time. Guaranteed.

Unless the vuvuzelas are banned like they were in the past. (And The Girls want to thank - bow down, applaud, revere…revere is probably a bad choice of words - Jan in England for clearing up the locust issue.) South Africa was not under attack. We apologize for any mass hysteria we may have caused.

Moving on to Lane Kiffin, or rather the 13 year-old who has committed to his program, Evan Berry. Is that a feather in the cap of the coach or simply a cute thing that kids will do? “I want to be just like Daddy when I grow up!” Which makes the following comment by Evan understandable: “It’s the only college I know right now and my Daddy went there.” Is there a better reason?

Over in the land of TO we have many things to chew on, like his tweet about being in his first wedding. No one is surprised TO wasn’t asked to be in a wedding until this past weekend. Quite frankly, we’re jealous. By now most people with large circles of influence have had to suck up many a tux and taffeta dress, but not TO. We knew there was a method to his madness. Think of all the cash he’s saved! But would it be enough to buy back his ego? Cuz he drowned it on the long jump challenge in Superstars. Robert Horry and Estella Warren bite the sand as the latest victims on the show, but who knows who will be back. The rules seems a little fluid (ratings-focused). To be fair, we’ve tried to like this show. Really. But the complete and total lack of creativity has us bored. Will we still watch? Yes. So you don’t have to. And by the way, look who’s still in and playing under the radar…

The new super-league, the NBA, has captured our fancy right on the heels of the entertaining playoffs. You’ve got your draft and now you have free agency. But did you think Shaq would be moving to Cleveland? Maybe he can remake The Flats. He can call them The Shaqs! Somebody has to so the moths and birds will stay off the mound.

Someone who may not come back to the court anytime soon is Yao. It pains us to think back to his draft…young Yao looking all scared and not understanding a word…so sad. He may be lost to the NBA but he can live on in infamy in China. As long as he stays away from the milk. And candy. And drywall. And protests. Well, you get the idea. The fact is that if a big man looks a bit off, he probably is. Guys that tall should walk slowly and carry a big stick. Not hustle it up and down the court till their body breaks, which takes all of about three months. When will they learn? For Yao, at least there is always modeling.

The Phil Liggett watch is officially here! The Tour de France, a staple of Fantoo Girls sports podcast coverage, kicks off this Saturday, and we couldn’t be more psyched. Will Lance twitter himself into a mad frenzy? Will he take a support role and help Contador don the maillot jaune? Will Phil Liggett call out Carol’s name in a fit of emotion as the lead changes on a mad-killer descent from the Alps? One redhead can only hope. As she waits, she commits to tweet the Tour until her dreams come true. (Expect the tweeting to go on for some time.)

Also in this weeks cast we thought we were going to say buy-bye to Jeremy Mayfield, cuz we assume meth and NASCAR do not mix. But apparently, he’s been cleared to drive. Just in time for the new restarts in NASCAR.

We applaud Roger Goodell as he vows to be tough on bad fashion (sweat pants at an NYC nightclub), bad gun-handling skills (a waistband is not appropriate for concealing a weapon), and bad judgment. We just wonder why PacIdiot got such a pass.

The Girls want to give a massive and feisty welcome to Chris Pronger - voted the dirtiest player in the NHL by his peers for Sports Illustrated poll - who joins the Flyers in this off-season. Chris, we know we’ve hated on you in the past. It’s simply because you shred the opposition. So forgive us. But, we have one request: don’t drink the water.

We’ve come to the conclusion that the water in Philadelphia is what strips winners of their desire to win when they arrive in our fair city. (Phillies, this does not apply to you as a whole, but it does apply to every big signing you’ve made hoping for the answer.)

Hold on tight…we’re only half way there. We’ve got your Wimbledon, your AT&T National (with Tiger saying Jim Brown who?), and…drum roll…the MONTH ON THE MOUND! Yes, ladies and gentledudes, it’s the MONTH ON THE MOUND, where The Girls get all baseball on you when you most expect it. Tim Lincecum’s mullet? On it. Albert Pujols’ continuation of hitting domination? Over it like a fastball down the middle. Dutch Daulton on his drug use? Simply cracking up. Funny and doesn’t know it - the best kind of funny.

We Fan-Tutor you on the new restart rules in NASCAR and avoid all the chatter about a secret auction for NFL overtimes. Dumb. Dumb. So dumb we didn’t even talk about it so click here if you just can’t resist. (Yet another example of what can happen when you have a rules meeting and an open bar at the same time.) Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we conclude that it’s not the cheat it’s the hypocrisy.

So grab your soul mate, then your spouse, and some ear plugs - it’s bound to get testy in there…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at 9:29 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.