Episode 170

Municipal Courses, Premature Retirements and Light Sentences with The Girls!

Today, The Girls are coming to you live from the Michael Irvin power trip (Spike TV’s ‘4th and Long’) where nuggets of wisdom swirl like moths to Joba Chamberlain in Cleveland. “Now is the TIME!” has never been uttered with such self-importance. Michael has found his calling - and he makes this train wreck worth watching. But will the Cowboys find their 80th man? Sure. And then he’ll get cut at camp. All we ask is that they do it again but with Michael Irvin and Brett Favre as dueling prophets. We would turn that into appointment television.

Sadly, we must tear ourselves away to dish on the US Open which will bravely return to Bethpage Black for another round of ‘Who can yell “You’re the MAN” the loudest?’. Can you still call these fans patrons? You think the guy in the yellow cap isn’t about to scream something?

New Yorkers know how to jazz anything up and plan on making the 2009 US Open the loudest on record. Except for when Phil Mickelson takes the stage. We are all respectful of the challenge that lays before him, and it’s not on the course. Our best wishes for a swift and complete recovery to his wife, Amy.

He’s in. He’s out. He’s not here. He’s got a deadline. He doesn’t have a deadline. We’d rather listen to Artie Lange and Joe Buck than any more drivel about Brett and his shoulder, or Brett and his family, or Brett and his love for the game, or Brett and his Wranglers. Get in your Wranglers, put your family on your repaired shoulder and go elsewhere unless you can wow us with your play on the field. We thinks those days are over, but why doesn’t Brad Childress?

Is Joe Buck the new Greta Van Susteren? And what’s up with those wooden balls and the antlers?

Donte Stallworth pleads guilty to DUI manslaughter 3 months after striking Mario Reyes as he crossed the street, killing him. Is a 30-day jail sentence, which is supported by the family of the victim, punishment enough? What message does that send to those who don’t have the fame or fortune of Stallworth? The real question in all of this is: why is Plaxico Burress’ trial date pushed back? Stallworth killed a man, stayed at the scene of the crime, cooperated with police, pled guilty, wrote a fat check to the family and is paying his debt to society, all in three months time. Plax was dumber than a dead bird, shot his own thigh with his own gun in an enclosed space populated with innocent people who were clearly in danger, hid the crime, lied to the authorities, and wore sweats in a Manhattan nightclub. And he needs a trial extension because…?

Ok, first listen to this and then read on…

Martina Navratilova blows the lid off the screaming and grunting in women’s tennis. It’s cheatin’ y’all! And she’s spot on. You’ll have to listen in to this week’s sports podcast to find out why. Then stand in solidarity as we seek a ban on the practice. The shrieking makes watching women’s tennis, based on long rallies, unbearable.

The playoffs have come to an end, and all the way around both leagues can claim success. The players came to win, the drama was full-tilt, and the victors deserving.The only low-lights being the bad manners of Cindy Crosby and WeBwon James. The one-and-done of the NFL is awesome, but it does lack the juiciness of a playoff series. We’re already looking forward to the first Pens V. Red Wings game, but it’s going to be nice to get to bed before the witching hour. These playoffs are exhausting! We take a few turns around the track to dish on Danica, the sad demise of Carlos Pardo and discuss the definition of ‘expert’ as understood by Jeremy Mayfield and his go-to guy, Harvey MacFenerstein. Then it’s a Fan-Tutor that gives and takes and spanks! You can’t go wrong with that. We also toss in a World Cup update now that the Confederations Cup is happening in South Africa, site of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Apparently all is a go for the massive event that takes place this time next year. Well, everything except that silly train.

Who needs organized and motorized transportation when you have pride in your country. Walk to the match. Both ways. Uphill. NFL fans would! Now that the playoffs are over we can settle in to the beauty of nothing but baseball. We’ll dig deep into the rookies who are making waves and the teams that are poised to make noise, but this week we focus on yet another bad rule, more Yankee drama, the best trivia question so far this season, which involves Prince Fielder. No, it’s not how many small mammals he can eat in a sitting, but that’s a good one (especially because that’s a trick question).

Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID we ponder why the need for world domination when a chaise lounge is so inviting. So grab a Land shark, your best mandarin collared shirt and a mascot - they need love too…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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