Spike TV is giving us the perfect antidote to a football drought this summer. With the reality show 4th And Long, the Cowboys open up a completely fabricated-for-TV contest which will send one lucky playa to the Dallas Cowboys training camp. Where they will have to go through the process yet again to make the team. But the Cowboys don’t want you to worry about that now - they just want you to watch 4th And Long, buy the advertiser’s products and think about training camp later.

So how does it rank half-way through the series?

It’s phenomenal.

The best part? Michael Irvin’s ‘When will these kids learn?’ delivery of every single line in every moment of every episode. He is positively shivering with self-importance and overblown intensity as he unleashes such gems as “You have to ask yourself how bad you really want to play football” and “The time is NOW, man, no more excuses!”. The cliche truck has rolled into town. But do you ever hear anything but cliches from NFL professionals anyway? It’s like a warm glass of milk - completely predictable and satisfying.

The 12 suckers guys competing for the 1 spot at training camp know the deal. The 6 Defensive Backs and 6 Wide Receivers are there to provide an insight into the fraternity that is the Dallas organization. Their talents, and even the talents of the player that earns the right to go to training camp and compete for real, are inconsequential. The product here is the Dallas Cowboys organization. Period.

And the Cowboys are pulling out all the stops. Roger Staubach comes to one the competitions and talks about finding balance between the two most conflicting themes in pro sports: being a team player and looking out for #1. Then he initiates a drill where 7 balls are thrown down field to 8 guys - the one who come back without a ball loses. Go team!

Naturally, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones will insert himself at every possible chance. “You know I enjoy visibility with the Cowboys” he says while talking ‘candidly’ to Irvin about how the HOF former Cowboy plans to evaluate talent. And coaches Bill ‘A Uniform and a Dream’ Bates and Joe ‘Old Salt’ Avezzano provide a degree of legitimacy.

Aside from guest appearances, there is vomiting, crazy drills, interviews designed to generate personal interest in the players (many interest in their love of the Cowboys and the NFL dream) and all other conventions of reality TV to keep you glued. But none of us would be watching without the Man in Black: Michael Irvin.

And believe me, The Playmaker comes off as an authority through all the hot air.

Unlike Hard Knocks, the Cowboys are actually providing entertainment that doesn’t come at the cost of the team and its chemistry. Who knows, it may even strengthen the bonds of the eventual 53-man roster. No amount of drill-till-you-drop competition will prepare this ‘world class athlete’ for the smackdown he will receive when he meets the other 79 hopefuls in August. Even if he is in better shape than Tony Romo, do you think any of those guys would let a reality star take his place without a fight?

Hell-to-the-No!

Now that’s the reality show I want to see: Ambulance at the Alamodome: The 80th Man Enters Dallas Cowboys Training Camp.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 at 1:19 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.