As the NBA and NHL seasons come to and end, baseball gets ready to stretch out ahead of us for a long, popcorn-laden summer. Can’t wait. NFL drama will be here soon enough. The Girls promise to get you updated on the fine stories and our opinions about the MLB, but allow us to revel in the twilight of basketball and hockey for these final days…

Episode 169

Lil’ Dez, Glass Eyes and MMA Rocks with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Atlantis Resort where the likes of Bode Miller (a Fantoo fav), Terrell Owens (another sweet spot for us), and Robert Horry (the Energizer Bunny) join a few other athletes and some completely unknown ‘celebrities’ like Paige Hemmis (huh? who? why do I care?) in the quest to become ‘The Superstars Champion’.

By far the best matchup. Lisa Leslie is a tower. What must Don Cortese be thinking?

We will pause so that you can laugh yourself into a coma. As with the long ball, those in charge in tele-land will soon realize that we aren’t all a bunch of lobotomized fools who can be persuaded to watch anything on TV as long as there’s an athlete, some drama and some hot chicks. Well, after checking out the matchups here, we just might take in a few episodes. Laugh at that if you will, but there is no laughing over Jeremy Mayfield’s alleged failed drug test due to methamphetamine, or meth as it’s known in most circles (as well as ‘ice’ and ‘glass’ and, well, you get the picture). Ugly drug with no place in sports or life. Dude, if this is true and it’s not some chemical screw up, you ought to be banned. For life. Go get some help so you don’t end up in a grave, or worse, walking around looking like this:

Aaron Fike

Robin Soderling falls to Federer and Mine That Bird falls to Summer Bird, which seems so…seasonal. Also seasonal, another Brett Favre dust up as the Midway (to retirement) Motor Lodge puts aside 30 rooms for the Favre clan only to find out that drama lurks around the corner. Brett blew off the OTAs but the word is that he’d have to go all psycho for Childress to blow off Brett. See, Brett’s Brad’s savior. Kind of like Angie. Perhaps Brad Childress should revisit the effect Brett had on the other coach he was supposed to save, Eric Mangini, who has been misbehaving in Cleveland ever since he arrived after being fired in NY.

Thanks to a listener’s prodding, The Girls exposed themselves to MMA by watching the brave and impressive battle between Urijah Faber and Mike Brown. Consider us hooked, and consider our husbands peeved that we have added another sport to the already long list of those we love to watch. Also keeping us from our wifely duties are the NBA and NHL playoffs. The Magic are on their way to making this a series against the Lakers. Rafer Alston steps up along with everyone on the Magic squad, and Kobe has a 31-point off-night. Is it the underbite? Or was he channeling his inner-muppet at the free throw line?

Whatever the answer, expect the distractions to disappear by the time this one ends. Kobe’s fire is burning and it’s his time to do it without Shaq. In other NBA performance artist news, Yao agrees to be the voice of an animated character in a Chinese film, and Steve Nash is the NBA correspondent for the David Letterman show. Even though he speaks Canadian. Go figure.

The Penguins, with the added muscle of two goalies, tie the series with the Red Wings setting up a beloved Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals. Nothing says sports nirvana like a Game 7. We can’t imagine the Penguins pulling out a road victory in Game 7, but as Kevin Garnett says, anything is possible. Props to Rob Scuderi who saved the day with his brilliant and impromptu goaltending skills. We love to see a player battle it out and use his wits at the same time. Lord Stanley was promptly wrapped back up and carefully carried out to his limo, which we envision is packed with chicks. Cuz that’s how The Cup rolls.

Over on the diamond we tackle a Fan-Tutor that uncovers the loophole behind the Amateur Draft and why that draft is no more. None of it matters to Scott Boras, however. He’s too busy trying to cram a ludicrous contract down the throats of the too-eager-to-eat Washington Nationals. We suggest the Nationals keep in mind that NO pitcher drafted after 1990 has had more than 100 wins and NO PITCHER chosen #1 has ever won a Cy Young award. Marlon Brando said it best - “The horror, the horror…” of being chosen first. Scott Boras is going to ruin baseball if he pulls off getting Strasburg more coin than Dice K, who had logged a decade in the bigs in Japan when he signed with the Red Sox.

We suggest having AccuWeather negotiate all contracts to include the construction of new stadiums. They can’t predict the end of a rain delay, but they sure can tell if the Yankees are lying about the dimensions of the completely unnecessary new ballpark. And tell they did. So we brought the story to you, because what would a Fantoo Girls sports podcast be without a little Yankee Stadium trashing? Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give further proof that every meeting involving the crafting of rules and laws comes complete with an open bar. So grab your shot glass, your glass eye - cuz you need it! - and Lil’ Dez…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 11th, 2009 at 9:59 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.