It was a feisty day in the elaborate recording studio: the English language was forgotten, the definition of jewels was debated and Johnny Weir was featured. We even threw in a little politics and international relations for good measure.

Family Jewels, Cheap Seats and Dumb Fly-Overs with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from…Russia! Where the brain trust has acted decisively by banning imported pork from the US and Mexico. Yea, cuz eating pork is how you get the Swine Flu. Amateurs - even kids know you can’t get swine flu from eating the pork.

Happier times...

Do these same people have access to THE button? If so, build that bunker now because dumbness prevails the world over. In a rare glimpse of genius, CONCACAF (go ahead, we weave that acronym into our daily language as much as possible) has canceled the U-17 Championships in Mexico. Now that’s using your noggin! What is CONCACAF, you ask, other than just super fun to say? The Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football. You learn something new during every Fantoo Girls sports podcast. You’re welcome.

After making fun of Russia, we hightail it over to the draft. Matt Stafford was rewarded for all his years of keg lifting NFL service with a fat guarantee of 41+ million reasons to live, and he’ll need it if the new-fangled Detroit Lions logo doesn’t help protect him. And if not? Who cares. The coin is guaranteed. Party time!!!

But perhaps the real winners in the quarterback sweepstakes were the Miami Dolphins who spat in the face of those who questioned Pat White’s skills and went ahead and drafted him in the second round. Sure, they have Pennington and Chad Henne, but they also have Parcels which means expect the unexpected. The Wildcat is just the beginning, kids. Pat White is going to turn out to be a steal compared to the…it pains us to type this…6-year, $72 million Stafford received. And do we even need to discuss Al Davis? Why not let a picture say it all?

Moving on…to of all guys, Brett Favre. He has gone out of his way to request a release from the New York Jets because? Because he can’t stand the fact that no one is wondering if he is going to come back or not and it’s already after the draft! Where’s the Brett talk? Is it because Madden retired? We can all rest assured he didn’t press to be released because the Green Bay Packers have prepared a fantabulous retirement party in his honor. Look for Brett to be running drills with a high school team near you any day now.

Rick Reilly’s new book is called, “Who’s Your Caddy?” It should be called, “Who’s Dumb Enough To Let John Daly Unzip His Fly While In The Presence Of Men? by Rick Reilly, the man dumb enough to let John Daly unzip his fly in my presence.” Or perhaps just simply “TMI”. We’d buy that book. So, take it for what it’s worth, Rick says it’s super-sized. Just like these subtle threads.

We feel for your wife, dude. After some belly-laughing and over that one we hit the playoffs. Both sports, the NHL and the NBA have given us sweeps and fights to the death, or overtime, whichever comes first and settles the game.

Brodeur lets two in in the final 1:27 of regulation as the Devils pack it in for the season, and the Sharks bow out early as those old Ducks rain on their parade. But Gary Bettman is singing like Gene Kelly what with the Pens and the Caps (How about those Caps fans? Who taught them how to be so disruptive? Eagles fans?) facing off in the next round. Granted, it’s not the conference finals, but it’s still Ovie V. Cindy. And frankly, the image below is what The Girls would like to see: big O just flying by #87. Buh bye.

Nothing, and we truly mean that, beats this match up. No teeth for Ovie, bee-stung lips for Cindy. It’s hockey mecca. Now that our beloved Flyers are out and Shavery is looking for his next fashion gig, our eyes will be all over this series, so yours don’t have to. Not that you shouldn’t be watching.

On the hard court we have the typical calling for the demise intense scrutiny of all NBA officials, a few deadly elbows, some ejections, a spanking, a breeze-through to the next round, and an early exit for the Spurs. To which we say, thank you David Stern. We didn’t want to say anything, but we just couldn’t take another series with the Spurs. We’d rather be waterboarded by Chris Hitchens’ crew. Kidding!

We also cram in a trip to the diamond so we can marvel at the cajones of Jacoby Ellsbury as he steals home, firmly cementing in the minds of all Yankees fans that the curse is in fact ALIVE! More alive than the fans at their spiffy new stadium, anyway. We will have to stop saying this so as not to annoy, but, seriously, over two grand for a seat? It would have to include a chance to pitch in a real game, entry into a raffle to get the seat for free the rest of the season and a round trip to St. Tropez (as long as you listen to the presentation on the Mohegan Sun properties in the area first, of course) to be worth that obscene price. So, they chop it in half, to which we say, “still not worth it”. We’d rather go to Mannywood, and that’s saying a lot cuz his hair scares us.

Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we come to grips with the fact that no politician has a even an inkling of what it’s like to be a regular citizen. Not one. None, even. So grab your passport, forget trying to rationalize the salaries for NFL rookies, and sit by the campfire with us…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

Once again - what were they thinking? Stunning incompetence behind this decision.

Oh yes, and Johnny Weir, because we promised.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 at 10:35 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.