We kind of feel sorry for the Dodgers. Jonathan Papelbon waited until after the ink was dry on the deal to bring Manny to LA for 2 more years before speaking his mind on exactly what kind of teammate Manny turned out to be in Boston. And we think we have an answer for teams that have to deal with the Scott Borases of the world: get your own agent! Why have Frank McCourt and Joe Torre deal with the money guy when they should instead be talking to people like Papelbon about character issues? Let another deal-maker work with the team. Then there would be no hard feelings, no ‘Joe Torre screwed me’ - none of that. You blame it all on the agent. It’s time for a change. And it’s time for Episode 156…

Episode 156

Guarantees, Break-ups and Selection Sunday with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Mother of all Guarantees - Courtney Paris’ offer to return her scholarship cash if she doesn’t bring home the NCAA Women’s title for the Sooners. No athlete has put their prunes on the line quite like this. We’d like to see Manny do this! We hear the guarantee of victory but never the willingness to accept real consequences for defeat. As a matter of fact, wanting to accept only that which you have earned is the antithesis of what typically goes on in today’s world. Guaranteed cash for promised performance is more the rule. We believe this trend will shift, and when it does we’re building a big shrine to Courtney, a woman with the ovaries necessary to back up her guarantee.

We marvel at the genius of the TO/Jerry Jones break-up diagram and wonder if Jay Cutler and Josh McDaniels need a babysitter. And we take up the cause of recently terminated employee/lifelong Philadelphia Eagles fan, Dan Leone, as he pleads for his job after demonstrating why us grown-ups have a lot to learn about ‘Facebook Etiquette for the Employee Who Wishes to Remain Employed.’ Our Fan-Tutor takes us to Selection Sunday (which happens to coincide with the US Pole Dancing competition) where we get all Nostradamus on you and predict lots of backlash with the at-large bids. Oh wait, that happens every year.

The World Baseball Classic does not disappoint in the early rounds as team Netherlands puts the shame to the Dominican Republic and Fidel Castro takes to blogging, doing his best Shaq impersonation with each zinger. Meanwhile, A-Rod goes into the witness protection program, or under the knife, whichever. Sure takes the pressure off opening day at the completely unnecessary, totally new Yankee Stadium, financed with taxpayer dollars, no? (They should call it ‘Your Stadium’.) The Mets are starting their implosion early this year with the releasing of Duaner Sanchez. Hey, Omar, probably would’ve been a good move to let Jerry Manuel know that you were pulling the plug on Sanchez in advance. Even a status update on Facebook would have been better than nothing. Jimmy Rollins is upping the ante on his guarantee, for sure.

The NBA is like Dancing with the Stars; as the season progresses the performances become more effective and more entertaining, although the train-wreck performances in the first few weeks of DWTS are priceless, and thereby entertaining as well. Not so in the NBA. But lately, Dwyane Wade has been throwing his famous all-night parties beginning at tip-off. This is insane.

Maybe it’s not sex, but for basketball fans, seeing Wade steal the ball and sink a buzzer-beating game winner is the next best thing. Do we have the makings for some mavericking with the Lakers’ inability to beat the Portland Trailblazers on the road? We’ll keep an eye on the Lakers as they ponder the karmic payback of losing a few to avoid the top seed and a possible Round 1 showdown with their Nemesis to the North.

Also in this week’s sports podcast we dish on Sir Charles and his private tent, Shaq’s need for attitude-adjustment, and the insta-fighting in the NHL. And what would a podcast be without a little Ovechkin-Crosby tete-e-tete update followed by Shavery? Not a Fantoo Girls podcast. That’s what. And in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID we urge men to spray not bake. So grab your fire extinguisher, some wings from the Anchor Bar and your wooden shoes…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

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