Another award winning Fantoo Girls podcast is ready and waiting for your ears to arrive. And nestled within is the NCAA Bracket Bet reveal. Come the end of March one Girl will have to go where no Girl should. Take a listen…but before you do please weigh in our lofty goal of convincing Roger Goodell to bag the Pro Bowl in favor of the Pro Bash!

Episode 154

Golf Lives, Shaq Tweets and Emmitt’s Been Given the Rights of Patches with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the side of the tomb, where the breathless anticipation of the crowd reaches shattering proportions as Tiger emerges. What in the name of God will the PGA do when he decides to retire? Fold up shop? Get John Daly into Celebrity Rehab in the nick of time? We hope the powers that be in the PGA are quietly at work on Golf A.T. or things are going to get mighty interesting on the green when Tiger starts missing the coos of Charlie and bolts for Elin’s arms. And who would blame him?

Thanks to Furore/Woods Family, Getty for the image.

Not us, for sure.

We leave Tiger and his loaves and fishes for the ultra-exciting world of the NFL Combine where great minds are at work delving into the psyche of future NFL players. Since when did the noun ‘product’ become okay to use when describing a person? We find it disturbing, but not as disturbing as thinking that the following question would help one accurately predict the success of said product: ‘When you die, would you want to come back as a cat or a dog?’ Cross our hearts, that was a real question posed to the ‘product’ of some university that hopes to make it in the NFL. If he doesn’t, we suggest he take Interviewing 101 and come back as the lead ‘Personality Assessor Product’ and teach a thing or two to the experts. Guys, just know you’re people to us. Products are things we use, athletes are people who entertain.

And no one was more entertaining than Emmett Smith. That smile could smooth over every ‘You cannot change the stripes of a leopard’ and ’sharp as a whistle’, but could not appease Bristol. Someone, somewhere will realize the potential this man has and keep him in the public eye. He can laugh at himself, and clearly so can we. We’ll miss you, Emmitt.

LenDale White pulls off his belt in an altercation and swings it, taking out the entire population of Denver. Not true. Just some guy who got into a fender-bender with LenDale, who has been dieting in order to get fit before training camp. And we all know how grumpy you can get when someone takes away your cans of mac and cheese. Good thing the guy didn’t have a large and very fake syringe and was wearing a sort-of-super-hero costume or he would have been really in trouble.

Just ask the guy who charged Lance Armstrong during the Tour of California. Leave it to the creative genius of some American to tread where only Europeans should go. Dude, streak or move on. If you’re not showing skin and climbing the Pyrenees mountains we’re not interested. Neither was Lance. Not only are his sperm the only life form prepared to survive a nuclear attack, but he can one arm a fat guy with a Super Soaker and still stay up on his bike. There is nothing this man can’t do except date a girl his own age.

We also give you a small preview of our world famous NCAA bracket bet in this week’s sports podcast, and we believe that we have outdone ourselves. Or each other. Not even Nostradamus could predict this year’s Final Four seeing as no one wants the top spot. All of that is great for the fans. This is going to be an epic March Madness and The Girls will be holding their beer your hand the entire time. Listen in and see what this year’s bet is and how you can participate.

Before we leave the collegiate hard court we have to dish on Coach Calhoun going all Mike Gundy on some blogger reporter who dared question the Coach’s compensation.

While Calhoun got his panties in a knot we were thinking that this is the tip of a very dangerous iceberg. As people’s fortunes shrink and those who play games for a living see theirs remain steady or rise, expect some push back from the media (they’re not exactly on solid footing so understand their testiness) and the fans. First Calhoun…then Selig…girls can dream.

Oh, but the World Baseball Classic makes us realize that there is a baseball world outside Bud Selig’s bizarre fantasy land and we LOVE it for many reasons. Well designed competition, players are into it, the WBC organization easily adopts the Olympic testing guidelines for performance enhancing drugs (players don’t mind, tests work, everyone’s happy…much to Donald Fehr’s chagrin), and they have single-elimination play which takes baseball to a place it has never gone before. Don’t get us wrong, we love the emotional, physical and psychological battle of a 7 game series, but win-or-go-home is a real treat in baseball.

We’ll Fan-Tutor you in the testing of the athletes and then give to you our first ‘Predictive Rookie Look’ coming to you from the diamond, and his name is Matt LaPorta.

Thanks to blog.cleveland.com for the image

He’s got a swing like Tiger (only parallel to the ground) and is able to navigate intense emotional situations with the disposition of a very mature man - take heed Alex Rodriguez, ye of crocodile tears. The Girls predict a swift rise to the majors for him this year.

So, Sir Charles is going to jail. Please. That’s like punishing Paris Hilton by sending her to a college dorm. He’s going to be King Charles for the whole duration. We have other ideas, none of which are legal, although waterboarding wasn’t one of them. The sad thing is that jail time will probably do nothing to alter Charles Barkley’s outlook on life, which is basically, “I rule, you don’t, and I’m bigger.”

But there’s bigger news in basketball! Every man’s dream was both squashed and given new life as Adriana Lima married Marco Jarik in a small, intimate (meaning no Bridezilla here) affair on…wait for it…Valentine’s Day. Marco, we have to admit to making fun, just a little, of your close-set eyes, but we also are dead certain that you are absolutely hilarious and great in bed, so let’s call it a wash. Best wishes!

And on the ice we zero in on the riotous-ness that is Ovechkin. The NHL missed the big kahuna when they anointed Crosby their ‘boy’…or did they? Cuz this little rivalry that has been boiling over for some time now is GREAT for hockey.

Ovechkin doing the chicken penguin dance? Priceless. Ticked that he wasn’t the face of the NHL? Probably positively impacting his game every night. (Well, except when they play the Flyers.) Ovechkin is what hockey is. There is no room for bee-stung lips on the ice. By the way, Chris Cooley should be encouraged to attend every Caps game from now till the end of the season. Please. Pretty please. Finally, in this birthday podcast (Carol got another year younger and 5 years hotter) we deliver the shocking news about school raffles.

So grab your putter, your WBC guide and anything your heart desires from GNC…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 26th, 2009 at 10:44 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.