The Girls want to thank all of you that voted for this year’s Fannies Awards. The Awards Show and Extravaganza will take place on January 29th. Last minute votes deemed worthy based on their creativity will still be considered as we sift through the 2455 emails we received, as long as they are accompanied by gifts with taste. (You love us because we’re direct.) Click here to vote.

We end this week’s sports podcast with the tale of a man who tries to fake his own death, then tries to actually kill himself, and fails at both.

Turns out - the very same man was a client of Chris Cooley’s wife. She cut his hair every 2 weeks. So much is wrong with this whole scenario, but nothing more wrong than a haircut every 2 weeks. As his wife, Christy, points out - “At least he has a great haircut for the news.”

Ok, onto sports that don’t include diving out of a plane into the Everglades with goggles on…

Episode 149

Grammar Lessons, Bad Water and Playoff Madness with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from CLASS…where we marvel at the sheer genius of PacMan Jones and his newly created alphabet. Period, point blank. They pulled the video off YouTube, but you can check it out here via Yahoo Sports.

Yes, the letters B and J are still there, but the letter T is mysteriously absent. Maybe he’s a minimalist, or maybe he’s just not as smart as Myron Rolle, but who is? Well, not Charles Barkley. He’s home licking his, um, wounds. Sir, the first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is making sure that if you drop $1800 on liquor you get a driver. We understand there are lots of things you can do in the back of a limo. Just ask Eddy Curry! He’ll tell ya!

Thankfully, we have the minor leagues to distract us from such bush league behavior. In our sports podcast quest to bring you every great promotion the minors trot out, we alert you to the name game of the Brooklyn Cyclones who have seen fit to hop on the coattails of Barack Obama. For one day only, June 23rd, they will be known as the Baracklyn Cyclones. The Phantoms, not to be outdone, are cozying up to another American hero, Andy Reid. He’ll drop the puck at a Phantoms’ game this Friday. How can he pull of such a move when his team needs him in Arizona? Hey, no request is too small for the minors. That, and it’s just some dude named Andy Reid. The real Big Red is busy. And scruffy.

The gridiron gets hot this weekend with the AFC and NFC championship games. Be ready to get satisfied to death as the hyper-analysis begins. If you’d prefer a more plausible analysis of the games then stick with The Fantoo Girls. Growing beards as a sign of solidarity is good, putting out bounties on the opposition is bad. Having a rookie QB that’s hot (as in playing well) is good. Having him shave his unibrow is bad. How does he rock this brow and get away with it?

Getting benched and coming back lit like a car on fire after a first round playoff win (Habs fans we’re talking ’bout you!) is good. Allowing Deion Sanders to puff his chest and spew nonsense that has no place being spewed is bad. Coming back after the third concussion in as many years is…bad for your health, Ben. But we salute your warrior-ness. There are many reasons to root for every team that made it this far in the NFL Playoffs, but you know The Girls root for only one. We’ll keep our favorite a secret for now.

We bid adieu to Tony Dungy who bowed out this week after a tremendous career in the NFL. His grace in victory and diversity is to be emulated. We’d try, but we’re not nearly as capable as Mr. Dungy. While the new coach, Jim Caldwell, isn’t new to the Colts, the vibe next year will be different without the fatherly leadership of one of the most respected men ever in the NFL.

We wish someone would do this to us.

News Flash: Brett Favre is miffed that Dungy stole his thunder. He was going to announce his retirement on Monday as well. Or is that just wishful thinking on our part?

Our Rookie Look zeroes in on a corner back who plays like a veteran and picks off QBs like they’re rookies! Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, we bust on your for the chick name, but we bow to you for your achievements this year. For a bean pole you are one valiant dude. With eyes like a hawk no less. And one kidney? You know other players are going to think that’s your competitive advantage. They’ll be removing their kidneys like models take out ribs. Whatever the secret sauce keep eating it because you rock, except for that whole record label thing. That’s so 90s.

On the hard court we cheer on Shaq-ovic as he embraces his inner High School Musical and sinks himself some free throws. To the tune of near 70 percent accuracy. Now there’s a sign of the End of Days. We’re also super psyched he got that muscle in his rear firing again. We bet his mates are equally as relieved.

On ice Robin goes coast-to-coast and scores, and we’re not talking NY to LA with some pool boy. You can’t possibly ask for more than that. We do promise more NHL as the NFL goes on hiatus, cuz the world needs our Sean Avery updates as much as we do. And in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we investigate how plans can go so terribly wrong. So grab your pup tent, a cigar and your favorite bird…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 15th, 2009 at 10:37 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.