Events, both sports-news worthy and political-news worthy, have sent The Girls to the Reflection Pool in Washington to protest.

While we’re there, we’ve left behind a fresh podcast to rehash the weeks events and to look forward to the weekend. As long as we don’t throw someone in, we’ll be back next week to keep you entertained.

Episode 145

Pro Bowl What?, Corruption Who?, And NFL Fining Out The Wazoo with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the furiously active voting center for the NFL Pro Bowl. Oh, you didn’t know there was another election needing your attention? Don’t fret. The Pro Bowl is meaningless and dangerous, so The Girls request a banquet. A simple little soiree that doesn’t hurt anyone and is way more entertaining than a game that is pointless and unwatched. Floral centerpieces, covered chairs, disposable cameras, waitresses in team colors, video highlights, alcohol…it would be magical.

As with many of our ideas, this too will eventually be poached, but remember where you heard it first - The Fantoo Girls sports podcast.

To the world of sport we go where we have Michelle Wie finally securing her tour card and the Cubs being excluded from the Tribune Company’s bankruptcy proceedings, along with a Hot Stove league that seemed to take forever to get to simmering. The Yankees could afford CC Sabathia, but can anyone afford to buy a baseball team? The Cubs cannot go the way of the Arena Football League, which may be on hiatus for 2009. Yes, the economy has caught up with the world of sport, and thank goodness it did. Could any of us stomach its exclusion from the troubles we all face? (No offense to the AFL who puts on quite a show for a totally affordable price) The NFL is not immune, even though it has long enjoyed a fruitful existence. Having laid off 150 people while simultaneously going on a fining frenzy, the league is clearly looking to shore up itself in anticipation of some slow ticket and merch sales. Perhaps if the league had the gonads to tell the players’ union that salaries are capped at 2 million dollars - play or get a job elsewhere - they wouldn’t have to put non-athletes on the unemployment line. We’re here to tell you to get a grip. The times? They are a changin’. No one deserves to be overpaid. Not even rock stars, athletes or hookers or Plaxico Burress.

Plaxico Burress’s new PSA - he’s just tryin’ to help the kids. NOTE: turn the volume down.

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While those in charge shoot themselves in the thigh, we rehash Week 14. Write it down: The Week That Exposed The Giants Fatal Flaw. Plaxico Burress’ absence has an affect on the Giants’ offense. Period. And it ain’t a good one. While we aren’t Giants fans, we are mad that his immaturity may result in the Giants failing to repeat. Of all the teams that had the chance (Patriots, Patriots, Patriots) they are the team we would have supported because of Tom Coughlin’s willingness to change and Eli Manning’s strength of character. We want to see those things rewarded. Word to Joey Porter: You may think that Plaxico deserves the right to carry a weapon to protect himself against those who wish to steal from him or cause him harm, but we think it’s criminal to be so casual with a weapon that could have killed anyone that night, including Antonio Pierce. And to carry it like an actor on TV, tucked in the band of his sweat pants, is a sure sign of idiocy. The bright side? We bet NFL players are applying for gun licenses and receiving the appropriate training right now.

Oh, Romo, where for art thou undergarments, Romo? We can rehash the game, the turnovers, Marion Barber’s pinky toe…but all we’re left with is your need to be all macho and go sleeveless in Pittsburgh in December (the other BIG ‘D’). Sorry dude, but that was dumb. You aren’t a 350-pound lineman. Look below for comparison.

You may laugh, but there is no way we will believe that your frigid arm wasn’t a contributing factor in the Cowboys’ loss to Pittsburgh. By the way, in case you were distracted by things like bankruptcy and layoffs, the Detroit Lions are still winless. BUT…we got to see ‘The Shiancoe’! ‘The Johnson’ is supremely ticked off because now ‘The Sciancoe’ has replaced it in the ‘Dictionary for Names for Our Privates’. (Production note: Robin is threatening a work stoppage if Carol uses ‘Schiancoe’ as often as she used ‘en fuego’. Fans, please speak up!)

On the hard court, The Girls crack the hoax that had Stephon Marbury going to Real Madrid. How do people ‘with people’ get duped by this stuff? We don’t believe anyone unless they slice their arm open for no good reason, which is why we believe Derrick Rose. Okay, we don’t. We know he cut his arm trying to make a pot pipe out of an apple because NBA players don’t cut apples in bed for no good reason. (For legal purposes, we don’t, for a fact, know that he was making a pot pipe, but we’re not idiots. Cute, but not idiots.) Also a huge Fantoo nod of appreciation for Jerry Sloan who has outlasted hundreds and now celebrates 20 years with the Utah Jazz. That rocks. Make sure you take care of Kyle Korver…we appreciate his commitment to his craft.

Our Rookie Look takes us to the ice as we profile #26 Blake Wheeler from the refreshed and reinvigorated Boston Bruins. He’s not wasting any time in making an impact on the ice (look above for post-hat-trick pic). And with the Bruins going 9-1-0 in their last ten games, this rook might actually see some serious post-season play in his first year post-draft. And kudos to the NHL for living within their means as they are the only professional sporting league to avert downsizing so far. We love us some hockey, but honestly, should Sean Avery be ousted from the league for saying the words ’sloppy seconds’? C’mon. We know the real reason, and we dish it out here. It’s not his language that has him on the outs. It’s his ’style’.

This week’s Fan-Tutor covers the time-out rules in the NHL. We bet ALL the players understand this rule…unlike another sports leagues. Lastly, IT HAS TO BE SAID: We swear, we hate getting all political on you, but when stuff like this happens WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED! To the citizens of Illinois: We cannot imagine the level of your disgust. But we are here to tell you that tequila and The Girls are often a good conduit for ousting anger. So grab your salt-rimmed glass, your ‘Schianco’ (couldn’t resist!) and an elephant’s memory so that you can vote out all these corrupt losers come the next election…it’s time for some sports talk by the Reflection Pool The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 11th, 2008 at 12:17 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.