Seeking out the camera and speaking his mind, Sean Avery kicks off our sports spectacular this week. Note how he needs to verify that, yes, the camera is on and it’s rolling…But doesn’t he seem a touch nervous?

Episode 144

Sweat Pants, Sloppy Seconds and Suite Rip-offs with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from…HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 4 - NHL Edition! Brought to you courtesy of that Renaissance Man himself, Sean Avery. He’s an agitator, skate-dancer, fashionista and now a linguist beyond reproach. You may not like his choice of words (or clothing), but if you like the NHL then you, like us, want to kick Gary Bettman’s rear end. When you have a gem as brilliant as Sean Avery you don’t keep him locked up. You wear him proud. Hockey could have drawn a whole new fan club, and we are always in support of that. But Sean, your delivery was so static that we respectfully ask you not to star in the movie based on your life. Thanks, dude.

Ask yourself…don’t you want to see this guy defend his outfit and choice of words on ice? YES!!!

The world of sport catches our fancy as Lance Armstrong announces that he’ll deal with all the hassles to compete in the Tour de France. We expect to carry forth with the Lanterne Rouge but are hoping Lance is sheathed in yellow. Sports Illustrated has named Michael Phelps Sportsman of the Year and except for that little afternoon swim with Anderson Cooper, we wholeheartedly agree. It was a great year for Michael Phelps, a great year for the Olympics, and apparently a great afternoon for Anderson Cooper.

Now question how Anderson Cooper’s hair is PERFECT after that one lap thrash-a-thon.

What’s not great is the fact that parents are paying to have the DNA of their children analyzed by Atlas Sports Genetics to determine the one sport little Tom or LeBron or Jennie should play. Seems they can tell this from genetic testing that only costs $149. It’s clear they are also good at sales. But we’re not buying. However, we might take that genetic testing seriously if they can determine if our kids are going to be mascots, because that is a dangerous and demanding activity.

Should your child grow up to be Mayor of New York City he or she can count on great - and free - seats to every Yankee’s game and free food to boot. Except technically it’s not free. Nope. NYC overpaid by about 1 million dollars. But silly, that’s the tax payers’ money…so the Gov’s wallet is still fat and happy. Shoot for the stars, kid. Just don’t hit your thigh.

Which is exactly what happened to Plaxico Burress if you dismiss that tall tale about getting shot at an Applebee’s UNDER THE NAME HARRIS SMITH. C’mon. Has anyone ever seen Plaxico Burress in an Applebee’s? We hear that Plax did go to Hand Gun School, but when they got to the part about the ’safety’ he nodded off. He’s a wide receiver in the NFL. He knows a thing or two about safeties. We’ll revisit this story again and again, cuz it’s hilarious, but we have one thing to say: if you need to have a gun with you in order to feel safe in a night club, you are going to the wrong night club. It’s that simple.

Also on the subject of the NFL, but this time focusing on the play as this is a sports podcast, we nosh on the Thanksgiving Day blowouts (47-10, 48-20, 34-9) and wonder if gluttony knows no boundaries.

At least there is the food of the gods known as fried turkey to ease the pain - except in the case of Carol’s family.

Perhaps the Detroit Lions should be excused next year. Or maybe they should play all three games…alone…bound to win one of those. Or maybe they should just play Tony Kornheiser. That’s one way to get him off the MNF broadcast. (Just trying to be solutions-oriented here.)

Our Rookie Look goes Mile High and trots out Peyton Hillis, he of the cowboy boots and camo Under Armour. And let it be stated for fact: The Girls love cowboy boots. Period. As long as they aren’t worn with sweat pants. Hillis, fullback for the Broncos, was part of the puzzle the Jets tried so desperately to solve but couldn’t. He had a great game and showed that Darren McFadden isn’t the only solid running back out of Arkansas.

On the hard court Sir Charles is at it again (make him stop! Or not.), the Lakers learned that it’s time to go all Belichick on their opponents (sadly, the first victim might be our very own 76ers), and Brandon Jennings learns something in Italy (we hear it has nothing to do with gondolas). And the NCAA has learned a little from the NBA, which is why we head to the collegiate court for this week’s Fan-Tutor.

In this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls urge you to keep your eyes peeled. So grab some sloppy seconds (we can’t help ourselves), a pair of heather gray sweats with the ankle elastics and a nicely muddled mojito…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 at 11:28 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.