May your turkeys be moist, your family gatherings centered around sports, and your ears glued to this week’s podcast. Anybody have any plans for around 8:00 PM EST Thanksgiving night? We were thinking of sticking pins in our eyeballs. Join us if you bleed green. Keep in mind that the Eagles are wearing black this time around. We get it, we’re in mourning too.

Today The Girls are coming to you live from that hot new club, VIVA! Viagra, where athletes needing to compete above sea level do so with a little help from the little blue pill. Or so leagues think, which is why they have decided to conduct a RIGOROUS study of the affects of Viagra on…wait for it…adolescent boys. Mothers, lock up your daughters.

Oakland Raiders…nice job on getting the upset in Denver! Which is way above sea level. And you guys are pretty bad. Hey, wait a minute. Did you…All of you??? Did your jock work?

Moving on to other super important sports news, the Notre Dame fanstudents pelted their very own football team with snowballs after a pathetic showing against Syracuse. We think even the Big Man himself threw one. And we’re not talking Charlie Weis, although he certainly fits the bill. So, we respectfully request that all Philadelphia fans are forever off the hook. Thank you, fanstudents.

As if that’s not enough to perk you up for the holidays, John Daly is either ready to win or ready to implode again. Either way, the PGA is stoked. Back to Australia and the scene of the crime (Which one? Who cares.) he goes, looking for a Hooters around every corner, scratching his face till it bleeds, smoking a ciggy, pinching girls’ bums, crushing oil cans against his temple…God, we missed him.

And above all, we hope he wins, because when John is playing well the world is watching.

Also in this week’s sports podcast we salute the runner up to Dancing with the Stars’ 2008 Champion Brooke Burke. Mr. Warren “Big and Light” Sapp stole the show. The man’s toes are extraordinary. Honestly, Brooke should be able to dance. She’s a chick, she has a dancer’s body (with the exception of the add-ons) and she’s easy to toss around. None of that can be said about Warren, yet he moved so light across that floor we half expected him to be on a dolly. He did wear a lot of very long jackets.

Like Fessick storming the castle in the Princess Bride, perhaps his feet never touched the ground. Mr. Sapp, you are our Champion.

Our Rookie Look this week is a slight departure, but you’ll understand why we featured Myron Rolle of Florida State. In this photo he explains why Stonehenge is Stonehenge and takes it apart, rebuilding it right before our very eyes:

Our hope is that he bypasses the NFL and heads straight for Oxford. Myron, just think “work stoppage”. Say it with us: WORK STOPPAGE. Now get thee to London.

The NBA roared out of the gate, now didn’t it? Trades, firings, Yao and Artest making out (k- we made that up), Marbury going all grade-school-chick on D’Antoni, with good reason. And all this leading up to the big free agent year, 2010, which is going to be built up like the Storm of the Century, only to have everybody stay put. We can smell this stuff. Basketball the Soap is back. Basketball the Game should return around January 20th, with the exception of LA. Because Kobe’s on a mission. As an aside, somebody tell the Oklahoma City Thunder that Seattle fans called and they don’t want their team back.

Ah, Week 12 in the NFL…arrests are down, games are fun, no superstars lost as of late…why not announce 3D NFL! Roger, Roger, Roger. We urge you to take a look south to NASCAR. ‘Nuff said.

So we turn our attention to Eli Manning and the uber impressive Giants. Their success should be a wake up call to all men who shiver when someone suggests they change. We know, it’s hard, but the results are so worth it. Kudos to Tom Coughlin for shedding the angry ferret image and finding common ground with his players. From Eli all the way to Domenik Hixon, bypassing Plaxico Burress because he’s a brat, The Girls salute the most balanced and dangerous team in football.

Look, it’s kinder, gentler Tom. He probably spells it Thom now.

On the opposite end of the spectrum (We don’t count the Lions, but they did win the first quarter versus the Bucs!) we have the Philadelphia Eagles. Bench him, start him, let the janitor call the plays, it doesn’t matter. All we have to say is, GO PHILS! And what to make of Terrell Owens and his couture American Eagle shirt? He’s just flirting. Cuz that’s what he does. But the dude can sure shake off tackles, no? Speaking of spectacular performances, Michael Turner has arrived. Four touchdowns? What’s next? Five? We’re so psyched for the Atlanta Falcons fans we might just have to alter our viewing habits for the remainder of the year so we can enjoy every game. That is a fun football team to watch. Before we leave the gridiron we congratulate the Jets. Man, every time we think we have what it takes to remain in opposition to Brett Favre he reels us in like a 3-pound bass. We fight, but eventually we succumb. The scar tissue from the continual hooking is starting to mess with our beauty.

Speaking of scar tissue, we dabble in the NHL, but promise much more as the weather turns colder and the fights get spicier. And in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we say Happy Thanksgiving! And bon voyage to the turkeys in Alaska. Maybe Russia is safer. We hear it’s not that far away. So grab your electric knife, a deep fryer and some 3D glasses…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 at 11:28 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.