It’s just another day of sports madness. A Florida kid in 7th grade gets suspended for sporting a ‘Ray-hawk’ hairdo in order to support the Tampa Bay Rays (can you imagine what he would have done if the Rays were still the DEVIL Rays?), Pacman, still not having earned the title ‘Mr. Jones’, is involved in - GASP!- an altercation at a hotel and everyone is wondering how they will be able to afford to see their teams through regular season play anywhere other the new ‘best seat in the house’.

And so we bring you…

Episode 136

Guilty Verdicts, Early Exits and Wildcat Offense with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from deep within the ivy at Wrigley Field, surrounded by balls from years past that cannot understand how the Cubs got swept after such a successful season.

To which we say, they Mavericked! And we also want to point out that John McCain and Sarah Palin are ripping The Girls off because we came up with it first, meaning using the word in a trendy fashion that borders on annoying. Because we were thirsty and couldn’t get a beer because it was after the 7th inning, we head over to the slightly brighter world of sport.

The NHL got us all hot and bothered by opening the season in…wait for it…Prague and Stockholm. Yay. Why doesn’t the NHL just take all its warm-weather franchises and move them over there permanently? Kimbo Slice gets butchered. That guy must have some serious representation. Just goes to show that a good life story will get you far. We’re super busy creating ours right now. Now we all knew OJ would get his day in court, but Helio Castroneves? Who should be more worried when they start settling in to their new quarters, pending Helio’s conviction? It’s the deeper questions in life that keep our attention, and hopefully yours.

Also in this week’s sports podcast, The Fantoo Girls empathize with Kurt Warner’s feelings after Anquan Bolden’s devastating hit and suggest Adrian Wilson, also of the Cardinals, play a little less Madden after watching him level Trent Edwards.

Clean hit, but a little heavy on the cologne, if you follow our drift.

Listen, Ed (Hochuli, that is) - we get it. You’re buff. But the thing about buff guys is they’re not supposed to talk so much. Spend less time educating us on the ins and outs of the rules (leave that to The Girls and the Fan-Tutor) and spend more time with your eyes open, preferably focused on the field and not on your perfectly pumped arms. Saints and Chargers fans will thank you.

Of course, it wouldn’t be life on planet Earth if we weren’t talking about another bizarre Terrell Owens episode. So - upon further reflection on his remarks - if we told him he was going to drop every pass while playing against the Eagles for the rest of his life, would he do that too? He’s more high-maintenance than a nuclear power plant, and less safe.

But we will always have Peyton and Eli Manning to level the playing field (and fulfill sponsorship obligations). The Colts have had some ups - 21 points in under 4 minutes - and downs this year, but the Giants have quietly picked up speed as they enter a tough stretch. Meanwhile, the Eagles have been on nothing but a downward slide having lost to the Redskins, who are happily falling in line behind their new leader, our Rookie Look, Jim Zorn. One of the few former players that is making it happen as coach.

We bow to him this week, lauding his risk-reward attitude. Dude, The Girls think you rock, and you just kicked the collective rear of our team. We want to hate you, but we can’t. You’re too good.

Our Fan-Tutor gets you all set to ‘clip’, and we bestow this year’s Overused Phrase Award to everyone who goes on and on about the “Wildcat Offense”. We’d rather go back to hearing “in space” every fourth sentence.

Of course, there’s baseball. Two incredible match ups to keep us entertained till next week. Here’s one…

Will Coco blow? Will Manny shed more dread? Will Joe Torre make Hank Steinbrenner roll in his grave before he’s actually dead? Will the Phillies’ bats heat up at the right time? Will The Ray Pit deepen its lore by swallowing up a few balls in the catwalks? Exactly how do the Red Sox do it, and are their fans bored? Perhaps Ben Affleck could check in with us on this.

And in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, The Girls love them some spa treatments, but this makes us want to hurl. So grab your toxic investments, a wildcat and cuddle up to a Cubs fan, or six (cuz they need the love)…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.