There may be debates on TV but there is no debate that post season baseball is upon us. Teams are sending messages loud and clear: Phillies are a beast no matter how many pitches they see, Brewers are feeling the effects of short-resting their stars, Manny - how does his hair look messier even though it’s shorter? - thrives in October no matter what the uniform, the Cubs are no stranger to heartbreak

and yes, girls and boys, the Rays will continue to win. There’s almost too much on TV. Almost. Has anyone seen our kids?

Episode 135

Champagne, Pleather and Ground Rules with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from Celebration Central, where we’ve wrapped the elaborate recording studio in plastic in anticipation of our nomination for the best sports podcast award! It’s like our version of getting into the post season. The celebration that culminates after securing a post season bid is one of the many reasons baseball makes us smile. They may not show much emotion during the regular season, but these guys party like it’s the final countdown. We salute them. But we think the plastic sheets are totally pansy. Or too arty.

And we have no words for the goggles. Well, we do have a word but we don’t want to offend felines everywhere.

Go commando kids.

As MLB begins fall ball, we salute the Cuban Missle, Alexei Ramirez, as The Girls’ Rookie Look this week. He’s clutch, he’s lean, he’s speedy, he’s chill, and he got his team into the playoffs. Makes us want a Cuban sandwich. Joe Torre makes us want some green tea to wash it all down. He switches leagues, picks up Manny, gets him to cut his hair (Has anyone noticed that it seems a dread a
day is chopped off?), and knows how to motivate the youngsters. SoCal must be a breath of fresh air for him, no doubt. (Love that band.) The Rays proved everyone wrong and marched into the playoffs with their reputation intact. The reputation of their, um, stadium is another issue.

Just have to show another picture. Now remember, you’re in Tampa, Florida and the weather is beautiful, fresh air is everywhere, the water is warm the sun is bronzing your skin and restorative breezes are blowing from the ocean. And THIS is where they want you to come and see a game???? Talk about not flaunting your assets. Rays fans to management: fast-track a new stadium or lose me forever!

We’re not sure, but we think the below picture reflects the average attendance at a Rays game…

In this week’s Fan-Tutor we cover the ground rules for The Pit. Interestingly, there is no specific rule for a ball hit into the petting pool for the real Rays. But, rest assured, the ground rules make about as much sense as having all that crap hanging from the ceiling to begin with. We’ll ’splain ‘em, and then you can begin mocking us and them. We’re all used to it. The Girls will take you all the way as baseball begins the mad dash to the grand finale: the exhibition series. You don’t want to miss a catty remark, so be sure to listen in.

The gridiron is sizzling with great plays, bad play calling, devastating hits, and another she said-she said in Dallas, with TO playing both parts. He’s such a thespian. His complaints aside, The Girls are tres worried about his health. TO has never looked so bad. The abs may be cut, but the bags under the eyes tell a different tale. We hope he’s well, but if he’s not we hope he’s seeing a doctor and not just relying on his super-fantastic body elastic bands and the hyperbaric chamber to cure what ails him.

Speaking of ailing…holy Crypt Keeper does Al Davis look like death warmed over! Doesn’t he have grandchildren (or great-grandchildren) to take care of him and keep him warm with a cup of tea and a cozy fire? He fires Lane Kiffin and then tosses everything but the kitchen sink into his rants, including accusing Belichick of tampering with Randy Moss. Hey, that might have actually been a coherent point.

At the end of the day, Lane Kiffin was about as ready to be a head coach in the NFL as Kendra Wilkinson. As a matter of fact, less ready. We bet the boys would play for her. To the death, we think. Al, call Kendra. From the Favre-O-Meter to the face-painted mug shot of Ahmad Bradshaw to the update on the health of the Richard Collier of the Jags and Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals, we take you through the happenings in the NFL like only The Girls can (and will).

Of course, saving our favorite toker for last, Sir Ricky Williams, who is refreshingly honest and apparently purchased some self-control pills from a strip mall pharmacy in Miami. Kudos. Namaste, and all that. We wrap things up with a tribute to our new mascot, Warren Sapp, toss in a bit of shock and awe that mopeds are still around, and look askew at those in Chicago who are trying to tell bar owners near Wrigley that the taps get closed after the 7th inning stretch…even if you don’t have a 7th inning stretch. Pleather, not safe. Mopeds, not cool. Limiting commerce with no good reason, treason.

OUR IT HAS TO BE SAID? We think it’s good news, and it has to do with your blackberry and your lover. So grab your beer by the 6th, your PDA by 10PM and your significant other shortly thereafter…but don’t forget us! It’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Friday, October 3rd, 2008 at 9:03 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.