Happy 4th of July Sports Fans! We’ve got a freshy podcast for you to digest along with your burgers and hot dogs. We’re busy lighting off firecrackers right now! And watching Wimbledon.

Episode 124

Seat Licenses, Locusts and those Amazing Rays with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the floor of the Houston Astros Clubhouse where the chalk outline of GM Ed Wade leads us to believe that he should have been wearing a diaper when he confronted pitcher Shawn Chacon.

While Shawn has been dismissed (grievance already filed) we believe that it is Mr. Wade who ought to look in the mirror. Who’s the adult on duty here anyway? At least he wasn’t flattened for failing to procure tickets for a demanding teenager, um, athlete. But that’s just Manny being Manny. (Can we dispose of that saying along with, ‘It is what it is’, and ‘thrown under the bus’? Pretty please?)

Who has time to lament Wade’s bad decision when the Tampa Bay Rays are bringing down the house - or at least the catwalk - and making all people named Ray proud? In honor of The Dark Knight, we now dub the Rays as Kryptonite to the Red Sox. THIS is why we love sports. Outcomes can defy expectations, the lowly can quickly become the dominate, the Giants can win the Super Bowl, and the Rays can knock off the Red Sox and bring the championship to Tampa. (Here in Philly we still haven’t figured out what this means for us.)

Also in this week’s sports podcast we cross that line into sportainment with a factual account of the illicit relationship that exists between MANdonna (that is so not a typo) and A-Girl, also known as Alex Rodriguez. See, she tried to conquer him once before and being denied is not her strong suit. It’s all there in black and white. They are an item. Hey! Has anyone seen our fact checker???

**And this just in from The New York Post** A-Rod’s wife says ‘enough’ and has now run off with Lenny Kravitz. Hard to say which has the better alleged trade-up here.

The Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher Brett Myers has been sent to the minors for a little mental rehab. At least he’s not being sent to rehab for a little rehab. May you come back to the bullpen where you belong. The Girls are big believers in doing that which you love for it is there that you will find your greatest success. Ask David Carradine.

Kudos to Brett for not pulling a Jose Reyes and going off to the Iron Pigs with grace. To round out the bases we school you in the ground rule (Oh Tropicana Field, you may want to listen to this one!) and welcome Barry Bonds’ ball to the Hall of Fame. Sort of. Maybe.

On the courts of Wimbledon we duck when Venus serves, make a rare ‘he’s completely hot’ comment, and look forward to insta-classic matches between the Williams sisters and Federer V. Nadal. We sniff a victory for Spain, and going out on a limb, the USA should do well on the ladies’ side. We’re such risk-takers. And we give a shout-out to Justin Gimelstob which goes something like this: “We hope that when Anna Kournikova spurned your advances she mentioned that she’d rather be covered in spiders layered with rattlesnakes than be with the likes of you.” We know he’s desperate, but he should just take what he can get and be happy with that.

On the business side of the gridiron, The Girls go all Chacon on the Super Bowl champion Giants for not learning to live within their means. If you can’t afford a billion dollar stadium then don’t build one! Fans, bag the seat licenses (or PSL) because when the Goodell V. Upshaw MMA Fight of the Century kicks off it will lead to a work/play stoppage for sure. Neither side will budge on the rookie salary cap because both sides want to WIN at all costs. Good thing it’s not The Girls running the league. If we were in charge coin would only exchange hands after a successful performance.

Kind of like in regular life, you know? You succeed, you get paid. You fail, you get fired. They may be athletes, but they’re still human. The carrot gets chased. Period. Give them all the carrots upfront and they’ll spend their days eating and their nights making it rain.

The NBA has hired an Army Major General to run the officiating program, because apparently combat experience is helpful. If Ronald L. Johnson was smart he would tell David Stern that you can’t police yourself. It just doesn’t work.

As the Olympics draw near we will keep you posted on all the goings on - at every level. The USA basketball team had a really teeny tiny mini-camp (one day) and then tooled around Manhattan with LeBron checking out real estate as he waved to the adoring crowds. The uniforms look nice, but they would look better with a little bling. GO GET GOLD!

But don’t get sick! We warn you of the potential for disaster at the Olympics in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID. So grab the Rapture Index, your red, white and blue, and a sparkler or two - it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

Happy 4th!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 am and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.