We come back this week with a renewed sense of purpose as a fan and gratitude for the playoffs. The sometimes top-notch action is keeping our oft-distracted minds from other, heavier issues. And it is fun, fun, fun ’till professional sport takes the rose-colored glasses away. We’re already looking over the top of those spectacles. In fact, they’re practically falling off our noses. Hopefully, order will be restored soon. But for now, we delve into the possibility that there are more than a few rogues out there. Possibly an army of organized covert operators. We don’t mind rogues in general - just not those that alter the outcomes of fair play.

Episode 118

Felonies, Retirements and Eye Spy with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls Production, “So, You Think You Want to Hire Barry Bonds?” Well, think again. But one does have to give the enormous head credit for jacking up yet another high profile number associated with his larger-than-life self - his felony count. They must have been on the clear and the cream as well. Now the count sits at 14 (plus one, puny obstruction of justice infraction), up from a measly (and certainly not Hall of Fame worthy) four. As soon as we get the MLB Felony King’s ‘federal address’, we will send it along so he can find love through snail mail. But off to the land of retirements we go.

Justine Henin and Annika Sorenstam both call it quits. One (Henin) goes quickly and with little pomp but probably a circumstance or two, and one (Sorenstam) goes the Tiki Barber route. Except when you are a singles player the Tiki route isn’t so destructive. So, we’ll wonder if the ‘roids were the reason for Henin and we’ll serenade Sorenstam till December. It may sound harsh to immediately assume that PEDs, and not sheer personal desire, were the cause for Henin to retire, but we remember Martina Hingis’ sudden retirement last year under a cloud… Both are brilliant athletes and we wish them well.

The Girls spy with their little (but beautiful) eyes a major retraction and apology from the Boston Herald for their Super Bowl Eve story declaring that the Patriots filmed the Rams walk-through prior to the Big Game. (Hey, can someone get Buzz Bissinger on this? It seems a thoroughly respectable and fact-dedicated journalistic empire has gone to the blogs!!) Arlen Specter wants to keep the fire lit under the Pats and we’re all for it. Come clean kids, and then send Belichick on his way, because a true fan could not respect how this man has handled himself. Sport is supposed to be fun and he has clearly lost sight of that.

OJ did it. Surprise, surprise. And another OJ (Mayo) took cash in violation of NCAA rules…show me a posse who doesn’t encourage that and I’ll show you a tape of the Chargers cheerleaders.

Over on the diamond The Girls salute our Rookie Look, Kosuke Fukudome, right fielder for the Chicago Cubs, who does not sketch his wife, keep her in a separate home, or speak through an interpreter ALL the time. He also happens to be an amazing athlete, a reliable hitter - especially with runners in scoring position - and he knows when to have a sense of humor and when to chalk it up to ignorant Americans. Gotta love that. And, as this t-shirt demonstrates, Americans don’t get it right all the time, contrary to popular belief (details in the podcast - but let’s just say Fukudome was not amused with the graphics on his honorary t-shirt upon joining the Cubs).

We barely touch the bases on baseball’s latest scandal…CELEBRATING! OMG! No! Not That! We’ll rip this apart some more in the future, but for now let it be known that success is TO BE CELEBRATED. Let’s get off the high mascot, okay?

Yes, we delve into the playoffs in both hockey and basketball in this week’s sports podcast. We’ve come to love new teams, adjust the verb ‘to Maverick’ for the current Celtics’ performances, and question how long fans will put up with leagues anointing the champions before they are even in the championship round. Has Authority lost all their marbles? Money. Yeah, that’s it. Money changes everything. Give me money. That ought to be a song.

But give credit where it is due. And we mean to you, Chris Paul and David West, and you, Kobe Bryant, and you, LeBron James (even though you’re shooting is colder than a witch’s…you know where we’re going with that one). And also to you Evgeni Malkin…for diving better than the famed horse on the pier in Atlantic City. And to you, Braydon Coburn, for taking a puck to the face that required 50 stitches. Um. Ouch. Henrik Zetterberg, you too! We’ll continue to ignore all our responsibilities in life to play these dramas out over the next few weeks before we settle into a summer of fun.

All leading up to the election. Which leads us to this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID: West Virginia, you’re not ready for your close up yet. So grab your team colors, take a break from weeding, and watch those refs…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

And one parting thought. Though we do make much fun of China and their nuclear missiles blowing up rain clouds so there will be no precipitation for the Olympics and all - we are wishing them a speedy recovery from the earthquake disaster that has struck.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.