The Girls acknowledge in advance all the dreck emanating from the world of sports these days. Radar summed it up: “The first 32 minutes include affairs, dead horses, drunks killing spectators, transvestites and shootings.” If you can’t find the humor in all this, then you might as well throw a shoe through your TV when it’s on Sports Center. But we promise, there is some actual sports discussion thrown in there for good measure.

And there is some great action to talk about.

Episode 117

Fan Rage, Dugout Dolls and Playoffs with The Girls!

Today The Girls bring to you this fine sports podcast live from the set of, “Roger Clemens, This Is Your Life!” And we’re glad it’s his and not ours, because it is going to be awfully hard to pitch his way out of this one! Roger, get back on the meds and come back to Earth. We’re not buying what you’re selling anymore. It’s all a shame, really. But nobody said it was going to be easy to make the right decisions.

So while he tries to figure out a way out of this mess, The Girls try and figure out why horse racing has gotten so barbaric and dangerous. We get it - fun party, pretty hats, but when it all ends in death it just takes the sheen off even the best mint julep. We talk about the genes, but it doesn’t take a scientist to see what’s been bred in to modern thoroughbreds - just look at the hindquarters:

Seabiscuit, circa 1937

Smarty Jones, circa 2004

And when good old fan smack talking ends in death things have truly gotten out of control! So, you love the Yankees. Do you love them enough to go to jail for the rest of your life? In a pen that will likely be located in Red Sox country? We’re all for team loyalty, but Ivonne Hernandez has taken things to a level that even a Philadelphia sports fan can’t identify with, and that’s crossing the line.

On a lighter note, Ronaldo (he of futbol fame) has to go back to physiology 101. How does one get duped by not one, not two, but THREE guys posing as women? We thought you men had a sixth sense about this stuff. Let’s hope it was all an error in judgment, or the result of too much sun and fun on the beaches of Brazil. We’ll take any excuse, actually. We just wish we were there in the lobby of that hotel when he was trying to explain his predicament to the manager while everyone around him was trying to hold in their giggles. Back to the pitch young man!

Kobe, Kobe, Kobe! He finally gets the MVP after 12 seasons in the league.

This is a fine example of the right honor coming at the right time. Kobe Bryant has matured off the court which makes him even more of a threat on it. He has morphed into a team leader that elevates the play of all his mates. He has repaired relationships, been appropriately vocal, and kept a cool head. While some imagine the Spurs coming back from their 2-0 deficit on the oh-so-familiar path to the finals, The Girls think that the good karma of the purple and gold will far outweigh the vanilla-esque play of the Spurs, leading to the ultimate showdown between the Hornets and the Lakers. The East is looking like a Pistons pounding and a sloppy series between the Celtics and the Cavs - both in need of a clinic. Looks like we’ll be staying up late the next several days to catch the best in the West.

On ice we have fire. The refs are playing too big of a role this year, but the action has been so insane perhaps it’s warranted. Given the high number of penalty calls, we select a Fan-Tutor that schools you in all things minor and major. We trust that in the end the best team will emerge victorious, and for those loyal listeners, you know that team dons orange and black.

Oh Ozzie - you priceless orator. But blow-up dolls in the dugout? Where did you come up with that one? Our heads hurt just trying to figure out your strategy. Maybe Roger Clemens gets it, but we don’t. And in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we give kudos to those who persist in the art of invention. So grab a stick pin, your favorite Mindy McReady CD (What? You don’t have one?), and your thunder sticks…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 3:35 pm and is filed under Fantoo Blog Home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.