We are mere days away from the Vancouver Olympics, the start of Spring Training, and the beginning of the NBA season. Wha? You mean it started already fo’ real? Child please. But first there’s the Super Bowl. This game may break the record for most points scored, bumping off Super Bowl XXIX which had the San Francisco 49ers beating the San Diego Chargers 49-26on January 29, 1995. Our wish? No blowout, and no sideline proposal from Reggie Bush to Kim Kardashian. Can we please just have a great game with no concussions and, oh, a streaker for fun?

Girls can dream…and you can listen to this week’s podcast:

Episode 203

NCAA MADness, Crashed Ice and Who Dat?! with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of the new game show taking the country by storm…”Now, Why Are They Doin’ That?” First topic - the expansion of the NCAA basketball tournament from 65 to 96 teams. We all know the answer is cash, so the real fun in this game show is to spot the spin. We’re doing it for the kids. We’re doing it for the fans. We’re doing it for the athletes…ooops…student/athletes. What they’re actually doing is watering down a thrilling and super fun tournament that all consider to be as perfect as can be. The real question is, Who is going to play the NIT (that would be the ‘Not Interesting Tournament’)? Us?

Heck no, we’re saving ourselves for the Crashed Ice competition in Quebec City. Robin could excel at this sport, however Carol would most certainly perish, so she’ll be carrying a flask near the finish line to cheer on her buddy. Here’s a sneak peek courtesy of Red Bull:

We also go a little retro with a look at Bandy, the precursor to hockey. Why these visits to sports that push the participants to their limits in harsh conditions, all for glory and maybe a little coin? That’s what you do to re-balance your fanliness after you’ve subjected yourself to the NFL Pro Bowl. What a cuddly little fluffy lost kitten kind of football game. But people tuned in, so Roger Goodell is on to something: we want our NFL season to end when the Super Bowl is finished. We stand up, dust off the crumbs of nachos and wings and get ready for Spring Training. Now if we could just get him to eliminate the actual game and throw a big fat par-tay…

Until that happens we will ponder the media’s thoughts on the ‘new media’, create conspiracy theories around Dwight Freeney’s ankle, lament the death of the phrase, “Defense Wins Championships”, and try (seriously, we broke a sweat) to come up with reasons to root for the Colts to win. We did find one on particular:

Not that we don’t respect - hugely - their game, their class, their style, the comedic excellence of Peyton Manning, and the entrepreneurial genius of Jeff Saturday, it’s just that the underdog (complete with tragedy, determination, achieving against all odds, and a slight stature) is so compelling. And an underdog victory so uplifting! And well…this happened in New Orleans, at the Superdome, to the Saints and the City.

Couldn’t we all use a little Yay! this time of year? Especially in light of the NFL’s outrageous reaction to the use of ‘Who Dat?’, a colloquialism in use before the NFL was anything other than three letters from the English alphabet. Cease and Desist letters? Really? Somebody’s been watching too much Rambo.

We squeeze in a little hockey Fan-Tutor for those of you who are wondering just what those refs are up to, and spank Nike for being a wee bit too jacked up for our consumer tastes. Then we tie it all up with an IT HAS TO BE SAID, cuz it does. So grab your emergency brake, a bandy ball and some confetti…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

We hit the elaborate recording studio armed with an insane number of shocking events in the world of sport that took place this week. We laughed, we cried, we recorded a podcast about it. We could have recorded six. Thanks for all the mail this week - it warms our cold little hearts. But you can stop sending the Greg Oden pictures. We had bad dreams. To reward you for your support we gift to you this audio gold…

Episode 202

Faux Bowl, Faux Pretty and Naked Players with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Faux Bowl! Where players you’ve never heard of or those you’ve made fun of square off in a nonsensical game that matters NOT. Oh, yay.

thanks to t-chest for this image

We’ll beat this horse till it’s rice pudding. We fans want a banquet. A celebration of the too-short football season that came and went before our wings got cold. Give us, the players and the league a chance to sit back and drink it all in before spring training hits. This is not rocket science - a part Oscars/part Golden Globes event that uses the NFL Films archives to its fullest will be a memorable red carpeted evening for all involved.

thanks to celebrations-img.zaah.net for this image

We don’t desire the Pro Bowl that has 17 starters running for a doctor’s note so they can avoid injury. We want a partay. Mr. Goodell, if you see a petit blonde and a fiery redhead storming your office know that it is because we love this game. And we know what we want because we are NFL fans. As NASCAR has come to realize, the fans know what the sport needs. That’s why there’s focus groups. Because the dudes in the tower can’t truly know what those in front of the flat screen feel in their bones.

Ah, bones. Makes us think of Greg Oden. Or David Beckham! He who was manhandled by Elana Di Cioccio. She was just trying to validate that which was stated by Mrs. Beckham, but that doesn’t make it right. No matter how proud you are of your bodily achievements, there is no place for uninvited groping. Leave that to Posh.

Thankfully in all this madness we have Bode Miller. He’s playing it safe. Gunning for some Olympic glory whilst dreaming of the US Open. We have no beef with his desire to conquer the world of tennis, we only wish that Terrell Owens would also take up the challenge of trying to qualify for the US Open. Girls can dream. And so we do.

Do you have this in periwinkle?

Dreaming of a cure for your tender muscles? We’ve got the answer for you in this week’s Fan-Tutor. It involves much therapy and some super thin tape. For real…its gonna cure cancer. Also in this week’s sports podcast we cover stab-resistant vests, strep throat, naked hockey players (yawn…aren’t they always looking to get naked?), bitten fingers, and Alexander Ovechkin saying SEE YA to the NHL. On the hard court we have naked pictures (Robin’s NOT impressed by Greg Oden’s self-portrait…which makes you wonder about Robin’s husband), All-Star biatching, and man-brow-scaping. Oh, THE HORROR! But what do you expect when it’s the NBA and it’s January?

thanks to the AP and hawksprman for terrifying us with these pics

We hand-hold you through the NFL, where retirement talk abounds, the Pro Bowl peeves players, Favre flirts with the Universe, and the league flirts with ticking off the networks. Oh, and there’s that little dust-up when a man comes home to his castle only to find that the “maid” has canceled cable. Which means ESPN. Finally, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID, we dish on the new pretty.

Don’t blame us for this pic…thanks to media.ebaumsworld.com

So grab your kitchen knife (is there just one?), your implants and a shrimp on the barbie…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

Sports figures all over the nation and globe are coming together in support of Haiti. Here in Philadelphia, Samuel Dalembert is doing his best to help his people back home. We profile several efforts taking place across the sporting world in this week’s edition. If you can, find a way to help.

Moment of silence at a Sixers game to honor the victims of the earthquake in Haiti. (Matt Slocum/AP)

The 2nd Coming, The 2nd Fighter and the Dastardly Jets with The Girls!

Today The Girls are coming to you live from the second coming of premature marketing in the name of clean living. Tim Tebow makes his Super Bowl debut in an ad for Focus on the Family. The ad will be a bit different form the one above, but thanks to ‘LSUfreek’ for such a glorious shot. The Super Bowl is such a family event…if you take away all the alcohol consumption, gambling, post-game celebratory hook-ups (we’ve educated you on what happens to testosterone when your team wins) and obscenity-laced referee trashing. Super squeaky family fun we say! And a nice way for Tim to pave a new career path towards the Senate when the bright lights of the NFL fade, which just might happen on and around Draft day.

Also aiming to do good are those enjoying the summer sun in Australia. Props to the players at the Australia Open who needed nothing more than a moment’s notice to put another match on the boards and play for Haiti. They raised almost $185,000 for relief efforts. Looks like they were having fun.

All the stars played and no one complained…except Serena’s Mom. Can we not be exposed to her ‘woe is me’ nonsense again? Please? Thanks, mate. After showing Johnny Weir the love he deserves for just being Johnny, we take it to the ice again and get into a war over the Ovechkin/Downie non-fight. Carol is still banging her head against the wall trying to understand Robin, and Robin is warning her that a concussion is bad, even for podcasters.

But they come together to rejoice over Mike Danton’s return to the co-ed way of life. Michael Vick had it all wrong. Don’t get back into the league after prison, go where life is easy - college! Dude is smart. Though there is still some fear that he may be perceived as one of our favorites from Slap Shot once he hits the ice. I mean, the man did 5 years!

Is it too early to become a Nets fan? We know it’s too early to watch the NBA. That happens around February 18th when trades are made and those that want wins play hard. Those that want to improve in the draft best throw games and finish as close the record of the 72-73 Sixers as possible. Good luck Nets! You’re almost there!

For those who need a reason (aka a kick in the rear) to watch the NFL playoffs this weekend, look no further than the newly dubbed Rexorcist. That’s Rex Ryan to those who don’t read the NY Post. Nobody could script a better duel than that between the perfectly prepared QB and the dastardly (in a completely lovable way) defensive demon. The similarities to the Jets of Super Bowl III are uncanny. Right down to the mesh Henley and white jeans, cuz you know Joe Namath had those in his closet too. Could this happen again in NY?

We’re not going to be coy here: may the Jets win. And may they fly to Miami with an empty suitcase for one Vince Lombardi trophy, returning said trophy to New York. We’d gladly pay your extra bag fee. Lastly, in this week’s IT HAS TO BE SAID we revisit a Fantoo Girls favorite subject, the Somali pirates. So grab your ransom, your buddy’s back and a ticket on the Jet train…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!

I mean, there are just some times when you need to secure the lead. Very similar to Pete Sampras just blasting an ace and setting the points straight when he was in trouble.

Sure, if it were that easy wine would flow from the rivers and dark chocolate covered almonds would grow on trees…but this video demonstrates that it can be done.

If you’re a Flyers fan, enjoy. If you’re a Columbus Blue Jackets fan, um, sorry.

While we can never forgive him for wearing this henley or these white jeans…

we sure do respect how he’s matured during the season and led his team to being 60 minutes (well, really 11 minutes) away from the Super Bowl.

It could happen. This could be your next Super Bowl QB.

And the Girls think that it would be ok. As long as Rex Ryan doesn’t go ahead and do a GQ shoot. That would not be ok.